-
16Nov
Add Time to Your Day, Being a Mom, busy moms, Children, Denise's Story, family and mother issues, Family Support, Juggling for Help, Juggling Motherhood, Keeping Kids Busy, Modern Motherhood, Schedule Your Day, Setting Goals, Starting a Company, Starting Your Own Company, Tips and Tricks, To Do List, Work/Home Transition, Working Away from Home, Working from Home, Working Mom's Network, Working Mothers, WorkPlace Inclusion
By Sandra Beck, Motherhood Incorporated
Making Time for Play
As a working mother I never feel like I have enough time to just play with my kids. There always seems to be another deadline to meet, calls to make, and a pile of work on my desk that needs my immediate attention.
My two sons, ages 6 and 3, are very active and would love to have my undivided attention. However, duty calls and work must be done if the mortgage and the bills are to get paid. Try explaining that to a 3 year old…let me tell you, it’s impossible.
What is possible is to carve out time in your day to play and release your inner child at the same time…how refreshing.
Day planners are made for just that. Plan out a block or blocks of time each week that you can dedicate just to the kids. If possible, plan these around times in their schedule where other activities don’t interfere—for example, naptime for your 3 yr old or karate class for your 6 yr old.
Playtime can be indoors or outdoors depending on the weather but have a variety of activities for the kids to choose from. This gives the kids some control and allows them the independence of choosing an activity. Playtime can be as simple as kicking a soccer ball around or getting down on the floor and playing cars or building blocks or as involved as taking a nature hike outdoors.
During play time, put on the answering machine and turn your cell phone off so that the kids know this is their time. Avoid any unnecessary interruptions. Get down at your child’s level. Encourage creativity. You can ask the older children to write down a list of activities that they might enjoy doing with you during “play time,” this engages them and teaches them how to make the best of their time too.
While not easy, scheduling quality play time with your kids while still maintaining your business is not an impossibility. It just takes planning.
I hope you enjoy reading these blogs as much as I enjoy writing them! Should you have any questions about Motherhood Incorporated either as a client or as a mom looking for work, please email me directly at sandra@motherhoodincorporated.com or you can check us out at www.motherhoodincorporated.com and www.sandrabeck.com
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16Nov
by Sandra Beck, Motherhood Incorporated
Ah, I just opened my windows for a little unseasonably warm pre-spring air, and came to the realization that today would be a great day for a little me time with my favorite little ones. Hmm… Did I just say me time with my kids? I sure did, and I’m proud of it!
Me time is all the rage these days. The media bombards us with the idea that the only way we moms will ever keep our sanity, or at least keep up the appearance of it, is to spend oodles of time pampering ourselves in one way or another. Let’s be clear, I am in no way opposed to pampering, but I’m also a realist. I work out of my house. I’ve got one kid in school, and one in diapers. I’ve got to take my me time however it comes, and frankly, I deeply enjoy relaxing with my children. That’s why I work at home in the first place, isn’t it?
No wonder we’re all stressed out. Not only do we have to take care of everyone that crosses our paths, but now we are supposed to have the strength and energy left over to treat ourselves like a queen at the end of the day. Now is the time to simplify. Everything I need to burn away the stress of the week is right here by my side.
The reality is that what matters most is not how we appear to our neighbors, or how much spoiling our money can buy us. What does matter is that we make the most of the time we have each day. So why not shut the computer down every now and again while they are young? I want to spend all the time I can with them now, because someday there will be more me time than I care to think about.
So, I’ve resolved that this afternoon my me time will consist of a decidedly slow walk with two puddle-stomping toddlers, a golden retriever, and one small piece of dark chocolate. There you have it, pure joy without the need for sitters, aromatherapy, or a wad of cash. I’d love to say more, but I’ve got some puddles in the yard with my name on them.
www.sandrabeck.com
www.motherhoodincorporated.com
Tags: make the most of each day, me time with my kids, motherhood incorporated, MotherhoodIncorporated, play with kids, relaxing with my children, Sandra Beck, Sandra Beck Motherhood Incorporated, SandraBeck, time with kids, while they are young
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11Nov
Being a Mom, Children, Denise's Story, Eldercare, Eldercare Issues, family and mother issues, health, Health&Fitness, Household, Sick Mommies, Sick Mommy, Tips and Tricks
By Denise Bosey R.N.
H1N1 is the hot topic these days. Should you or your family get the vaccine? How can you protect yourself and your family from contracting this? What’s the difference between the inhaled vaccine and the injection and which one is best for you and your family?
H1N1 (or the Swine Flu) is a very potent strain of the flu. It can be as mild as a low grade fever and a cough or powerful enough to put you in the hospital. It affects people of all ages, from infants to the elderly.
It is suggested that all people from the ages of 6 months to 24 years should be vaccinated as well as pregnant women or people over 24 with chronic medical conditions such as asthma. The inhaled vaccine is a live virus and can be given to children or adults with no chronic medical conditions. The injection is a dead virus and is suggested for pregnant women and people with medical conditions.
Protecting yourself from getting H1N1 is as simple as washing your hands regularly and using hand sanitizer in between. Teaching your children not to share food, drinks, or personal items with their friends and classmates will go a long way in stopping the transmission of H1N1. Staying home from work or school when you are not feeling well can also slow the progression of this sometimes deadly virus.
So, get plenty of rest, eat well, wash your hands, and most of all get vaccinated and protect you and your family from H1N1.
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09Nov
by Sandra Beck, Motherhood Incorporated
You’ve worked in an office for years. You’re good at your job, but dread the morning commute. You long for a flexible schedule that works with your family needs, not against them. If this sounds like you, you could work at home as a virtual assistant. Virtual assistants provide administrative services to their clients via the Internet. Though not required, experience as an administrative assistant can be helpful. 
The Technology
To work out of your home, you will need a telephone line, personal computer, printer, and Internet access. A fax machine is also helpful. If you would rather not invest in a fax machine, try an online fax service. For a monthly fee, you can send and receive faxes by email.
Certification
Some virtual assistants find certification helpful in keeping their skills at peak performance. The skills improved upon through certification include executive support, business decision-making, customer service, and project management. Certification is also helpful in gaining credibility among your colleagues, and potential clients. Try vacertification.com for more info on becoming certified.
Pump Up Your Resumé
Is your resume looking a little thin in the experience category? If you are willing to volunteer your time, you can quickly gain the experience you need to succeed. There are a number of websites available to connect you with a nonprofit organization in need of your skills. Try idealist.org, volunteer.gov, or volunteermatch.org. Beneficial to your career and the charitable cause of your choosing, this match is a win-win situation. Work hard and you will likely accumulate some professional references as well.
Choosing a Niche
Once you have established yourself as a virtual assistant, you may want to consider choosing an area of specialization. Most virtual assistants choose to specialize in a field of interest, such as real estate or medical transcription. Make the most of your expertise and interests when choosing a niche market. Specializing will help you gain credibility with your clients. Over time, you will become an expert in your field, all from the comfort of your own home.
Sources:
(2007). The Media’s Virtual Assistant Survey Results. Retrieved March 7, 2009 from VA Networking Website:
http://www.vanetworking.com/survey/virtual-assistant-statistics.htm.
(2004). Virtual Assistant Skill set. Retrieved March 7, 2009 from Virtual Assistant Certification Website: http://www.vacertification.com/skillset.htm
www.sandrabeck.com
www.motherhoodincorporated.com
Tags: choose a specialty, flexible schedule, motherhood incorporated, MotherhoodIncorporated, provide administrative services, Sandra Beck, Sandra Beck Motherhood Incorporated, SandraBeck, specializing to gain credibility, Virtual Assistant, work at home as a virtual assistant
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05Nov
by Sandra Beck, Motherhood Incorporated
Do you need a few more minutes to concentrate? Are you finding it hard to focus with a two-year-old climbing in your lap? This is a challenge many work-at-home moms face while their children are young. Here are five items you may already have to entertain your toddler in a pinch:
Empty Boxes
Most of us have seen a toddler open a gift only to find the box more interesting than the present so thoughtfully tucked inside. Hang on to a few empty boxes of varying size, and pull them out when your child is bored. Set up large boxes as a fort, or open the ends to make a tunnel. Smaller boxes make a great bed for stuffed animals, target for balls or beanbags, or can be used for sorting games.
Tissue Paper
Young children love the crisp sound of tissue paper rustling in their hands. Set aside some gift wrapping tissue, and give it to your child when he is bored. Let him crinkle, cover and tear, while you meet your deadlines. Just be prepared for a bit of a mess later.
Index Cards
A little tape, some crayons, and your toddler’s imagination add up to reusable fun. Make your own flash cards by having your child draw on index cards. If you have some time, cut pictures she likes from old magazines or use pictures of your family. Tape the pictures to the cards, and cover them with clear contact paper to use again and again.
Paper Bags
An assortment of paper bags can be hours of fun for your little one. Large bags can be used to play grocery store, or as a target for tossing soft balls or bean bags. Smaller bags come in handy for making puppets. Have your child decorate the puppet, and then show him how to make his new toy talk using his hand.
Old Greeting Cards
The next time there is a birthday in your house, save a few of the greeting cards, along with their envelopes. Toddlers love the brightly decorated cards and will have fun taking them in and out of their envelopes. Pair them with a shoe “mail” box, and the two of you can open your mail together.
www.sandrabeck.com
www.motherhoodincorporated.com
Tags: 5 ways to keep your toddler happy, entertain your toddler, keep your toddler happy while your work, motherhood incorporated, MotherhoodIncorporated, need a few more minutes, Sandra Beck, Sandra Beck Motherhood Incorporated, SandraBeck, toddlers love empty boxes, work at home moms
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20Oct
by Susan A. Haid/ Lily’s Truth
Available at Target and other online local Retailers.
A few months ago, I purchased a multi-colored, rotating disco ball lamp for my kids. My intent was to have some fun from time to time dancing with my kids. What has surprised me is this: the addition of this tacky, retro-style lamp to my family room decor has turned our TV-dominated evenings into Boogie Nights.
My kids are 4, 8 and 11 years old. When I initially plugged in the “ball”, of course, I was the only one dancing for the first ten minutes. My kids glared at me like I was the weirdest mom on Planet Earth. Then, one child couldn’t resist the urge to move…then the next…and the next. Soon, we were shaking, lurching, rocking, and bopping like it was 1999. Since then, my kids have not stopped shaking their booties. We dance every day, at least once, sometimes more. We have fun, we laugh, we move it, move it. Try it and see the effects of this simple, no rules approach to joyfulness.
Can you imagine dancing with your parents when you were a kid? This is a memory I am thrilled my children will have to cherish. I will cherish it too, more than words can express.
These Boogie Days and Boogie Nights provide a beautiful, healthy example of liberation to our children. Moving the body frees the spirit, not through discipline or structure but rather through free expression. Free Expression. Let those words sink in…
I want to raise my children to be free of repression. I want to raise my children to be wildly creative. I want my children to have the the outrageous courage to think outside the box. I want my children to know that every day there is time for joy.
So, for the rest of our lives, my kids and I will be dancing like the stars in our little family room. We won’t be waiting for a party, or a wedding, or a night out to do the wild thing.
By the time you read this, I’ll be workin’ it with my kids, or maybe even by myself. It doesn’t matter. It’s a happy thing…cut loose…try it. Have you watched your kids dance lately? It’s pretty entertaining. You won’t be able to wipe the smile off your face. I guarantee it.
For more tips and tools for parents, visit www.lilystruth.com where you will find cutting edge, New Energy concepts in parenting.
Tags: juggling working motherhood, lilys truth, Making someone's day, motherhood incorporated, Sandra Beck Motherhood Incorporated, SandraBeck, spreading joy, Susan Haid, teaching children kindness, teaching children to help others, work at home moms, Working from Home, Working Mother, www.motherhoodincorporated.com
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12Oct
by Sandra Beck, Motherhood Incorporated
Are you a strong writer with a keen eye for detail? Do you enjoy research? Then grant writing may be the work-at-home career for you. Grant writing doesn’t require an expensive education, though strong writing and grammar skills are a must. Grant writers must also be comfortable with the financial aspects of business. If you’ve got the skills, why not try out this flexible, family friendly career?
The Technology
Equip your home office with a telephone line, fax, and computer with Internet access, and you will be ready to work. If you don’t want to invest in a fax machine and second phone line, consider using an online fax service. For a nominal fee, you can send and receive faxes via email.
Getting Started
It is easy to gain experience and familiarity with the grant writing process, if you are willing to work free of charge. There are many nonprofit organizations looking for grant writing volunteers. A quick search of the web will turn up plenty of opportunities. Idealist.org and VolunteerMatch.org both match willing volunteers with nonprofits organizations in need. Developing needed career skills is even more fulfilling when you are helping out a cause you care for.
Build a Portfolio
Keep track of the grants that you have written and record any awards gained by your hard work. Potential employers will want to know that your work produces results, and in grant writing that adds up to more than just writing samples. A proven record of success will keep the clients knocking on your door.
Choosing a Niche
Once you have built an impressive resume, you may find it beneficial to choose a niche or specialty. If you have background in medicine or education, then that may be the market for you. If you enjoy helping a worthy cause, specializing in the nonprofit sector may make for a gratifying career. Whichever area of expertise you choose, capitalize on your strengths and interests. Specializing will help you gain credibility with your clients. If you are willing to put in the time and effort, you too can enjoy the flexibility of working at home as a grant writer.
www.sandrabeck.com
www.motherhoodincorporated.com
Tags: choose a specialty, enjoy research, eye for detail, grant writer, grant writing volunteers, motherhood incorporated, MotherhoodIncorporated, Sandra Beck, Sandra Beck Motherhood Incorporated, SandraBeck, strong grammar skills, strong writer, work produces results
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08Oct
busy moms, Children, Daymaker Challenge, Health&Fitness, Home Office, Household, Juggling Motherhood, Keeping Kids Busy, Modern Motherhood, motherhood incorporated, Organization, Schedule Your Day, Working Mom's Network, Working Mothers, www.motherhoodincorporated.com, www.sandrabeck.com
by Sandra Beck, Motherhood Incorporate
When my youngest climbed out of bed Tuesday morning, he was all giggles. Once I flipped on the light, I was surprised to see that his eyes were red and runny. I immediately started running over my plans for the day, which I knew were about to be changed. No childcare or playgroup, and I’d have to squeeze a trip to the doctor in somewhere.
Sick days and snow days strike us all. If you’re one of the lucky ones, they are few and far between. Still, the stress of a sudden change of plans can be lessened, or even disappear altogether, if we put a plan in place for the unexpected.
Plan Ahead
As work-at-home moms, we have to consider the possibility that we may be called on to care for our children in a pinch. Part of the flexibility of working from home means that our spouses may depend on us as an emergency back-up plan. It is best to come up with a family plan for these situations ahead of time. Does your spouse expect you to care for the kids every time an unexpected situation arises, or can you share the responsibility?
If you know it will be up to you to make alternate arrangements, try to plan for these situations when you are negotiating project deadlines with your boss or client. Adding a little “fluff” to your timing will allow you to breathe easier if you have to spend an afternoon in the doctor’s office, instead of at your desk.
Have a Backup for Your Backup
Your mom usually takes the kids when they are sick, but today she has plans. Turn to plan B. Investigate some alternate options before hand. Try forming a group of willing mothers in your neighborhood to share snow day responsibilities, or look for a flexible daycare program in your community.
When All Else Fails, Keep the Kids at Home
Prepare some activities for your children ahead of time. We keep a rainy day box with some books, art supplies, and small toys. The rainy day box becomes an exciting event when the kids only see it occasionally. Make sure they can safely enjoy the activities on their own, and you will get some work done while they play.
If you know there is severe weather on the way, check out a movie and some books for the kids from your local library. You may not be quite as productive as usual, but you can prevent yourself from falling too far behind.
www.sandrabeck.com
www.motherhoodincorporated.com
Tags: emergency plan, flexible daycare, motherhood incorporated, MotherhoodIncorporated, plan, Sandra Beck, Sandra Beck Motherhood Incorporated, SandraBeck, sick day stress, sick days strike
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18Jun
By Shannon Penrod
“
Thursdays this Summer” (my plan to entertain and educate my child on a budget) began today with a trip to The Skirball Cultural Center. What a great way to start the summer! The two exhibits on Comic Book Super Heroes were really fun for the kids. They got to dress up in Super Hero costumes, draw their own comic book character and check out a lot of vintage artwork.
The real hit of the day was the amazing Noah’s Ark exhibit! The entire exhibit was hands on and interactive. I love it when a docent says, “Make sure you touch everything!”
All of the animals are sculpted from reclaimed materials in the exhibit 
so there are layers to the enjoyment. While the kids were pulling levers to create lightning, wind and rain the adults got to stare in wonder at an alligator fashioned out of a tire, a glove and a violin neck. Amazing! The entire exhibit was ingenious, captivating and deliciously educational. Yippee for Thursdays this summer! And did I mention it was FREE! Yes, Free! Every Thursday the museum is open for free – there wasn’t even a parking charge. Thank you, Skirball Center for a wonderful day!
Tags: comic book super heroes, Free Things to do with kids, Shannon Penrod, Skirball Cultural Center
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10Jun
By Shannon Penrod
Last week my son turned 6 years old. We decided to throw him a dance party. It didn’t seem at all odd to me, he loves to dance and I wanted to do something that wouldn’t revolve around food and wouldn’t cost a small fortune. Solution: Dance Party! 
We found a great warehouse space that comes with a trampoline, a bouncy house, a Wii and an Xbox 360 (both hooked up to big screen TVs) – the rent was ridiculously cheap and I bartered the services of a great DJ.
I did this for a little boy who has worked so hard to overcome autism. My mom and my husband and I watched him at the party, which my friend Therese called a six year old rave, and we couldn’t believe how social he was.
Just three and a half years ago we realized there was a problem when we went to a friend’s birthday party and our son sat in the corner by himself, humming as he played with a Buzz Lightyear toy, he never even noticed there were other children at the party. Last week he was the belle of the ball, laughing and running from activity to activity, talking to his friends, answering when his friends called him, even cracking jokes. It was a great night, and it was filled with family and friends who had shown up to celebrate with us.
Towards the end of the party I had a moment. You know one of those rushes of feeling and clarity that kind of takes your breath away. I looked at my mom and my son and was acutely aware of how quickly time passes and how precious every moment is. There were several moments when I considered not having a birthday party for my son this year – In this economy…aren’t we all carefully considering every expenditure?
But as I looked around that warehouse room and saw all the faces of people we love and that love us, I knew that this would be a night my family would always remember. In ten years we aren’t going to remember all of the daily struggles to pay bills and buy biomeds and secure therapy hours, we’re going to remember the celebrations. I thought about the last ten years and the weddings, graduations, births and home comings we’ve enjoyed, there have been hard times too and even a few funerals, but when all is said and done, it’s the celebrations we remember the most. I’m awfully glad that we took the time to find the joy in life, now I know…it’s in the celebrations
Tags: Autism, Celebrations, Kid's Birthday Parties, motherhood incorporated, Shannon Penrod
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24May
By Lisa Mendell
I came across an article in my email that I thought some might benefit from and it’s called How Kids Learn Cooperation. Some of the areas they touch on are:
- Raising cooperative children- Cooperation—working in harmony with others to achieve a goal—is vital not only to a happy, successful life but also to a more peaceful and harmonious world.
- Tuning into your child – The seeds of cooperation are planted very early, when parents tune in and respond to their young child’s needs.
- Sharing – kids begin the process of learning to share even though it may take a few years to sink in. Why? Sharing some of their possessions is an early precursor to sharing thoughts and ideas.
- A few good rules – Having a few simple rules in the context of loving family relationships gives kids a strong foundation for working together with others.
That just touches on a few. For more, go to http://www.beliefnet.com/Love-Family/Family-Values-Toolkit/Family-Values-Cooperation.aspx?ppc=69352&source=NEWSLETTER&utm_campaign=Inspiration&utm_medium=newsletter&utm_source=NL
Tags: Beliefnet, Children, cooperation, family, Lisa's Story, tips, www.beliefnet.com
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15Apr
By Sandra Beck
The age of Innocence:
“The baby is due in Spring, so I’ll have time to get back in shape before bikini season”
”I have email, don’t I? Babies sleep all the time, don’t they?”
“I never understand why women let themselves go after they’ve had a baby”
The age of Enlightenment:
“Listen, people, why did no one see fit to tell me about the …. (Leaking! From everywhere! At the worst possible times!) … LOVE. “
The Reformation
“I love you – and I’ll do anything for you – but from now on you’re doing all your own shirts”
“I love you – and I’ll do anything for you – but frankly (darling) neither of us is at their best at 3 a.m.”
The Great Inquisition
“Sure, you’ve twenty years childcare experience. I hear you – sole charge of triplets. Just hypothetically, imagine that Lillibette had fallen asleep in her pram twenty minutes before allotted nap time, and Brown Bear had been left at home. What would you do then, huh?”
“I’m terribly sorry to bother you – I can see you’re enjoying a quiet coffee. I just wanted to ask your views on the local nursery. You don’t think the staff are awfully.. young?”
The Cold War
“ I’m utterly committed to this job. However, in the absence of the company providing me with a private helicopter – or a chauffeur escort to collect my child from nursery - I’m afraid my finish time is non-negotiable.”
Civil War
“I understand that you feel uncomfortable leaving work early – and that your boss hadn’t left yet. Now do YOU understand how I feel the other four days of the week?”
“Yes, you’re tired, and you need your sleep. I hear you. I feel your pain. I do.”
The Arms Race
“Sure, would be great for the kids to have a playdate. Let’s find a time slot… no, that day’s French lessons… nope, music and movement… can’t miss Suzuki violin … she does so enjoy Macrame… preschooler jazz is on Fridays … junior hockey Beedle Bugs next week… how are you set on the 15th?”
“A lovely day to spend with the children! Here’s my quality time schedule – divided into 30 minute timeslots of developmental activities. Darling – no, sweetheart, not the blocks. It’s time for finger painting now. No – I said NOW – otherwise we’ll be late for the Baby Yoga”.
www.motherhoodincorporated.com
www.sandrabeck.com
Tags: Being a Mom, juggling working motherhood, Working Mom, Working Mother, www.motherhoodincorporated.com, www.sandrabeck.com
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07Apr
By Shannon Penrod
Okay, so here’s the deal. When was the last time you skipped a meal? Or stayed up too late? Or even put off going to the bathroom until a more convenient time? Guilty as charged? Me too. And from the sounds of it most of my friends who are Moms are equally guilty. Here’s the $64,000 question: When was the last time you allowed your child(ren) to skip a meal, stay up to 2 am or asked them to wait an hour to go to the bathroom? If you’re like me it never happens. Sometimes a meal is delayed, sure…but I beat myself up about it. Sometimes I let my son stay up too late (by an hour!) When I do he and I pay for it the next day and I remind myself that we are never doing that again. 
If my child tells me he has to go to the bathroom I never, ever ask him to wait longer than it takes for me to drop everything and locate the nearest restroom. So how come I don’t do that for myself?
What would my life look like if I took care of myself the way I take care of my child? What would happen if I had a ritual of stopping everything a full two hours before my set bedtime (snort!) and devoted that time to taking a leisurely bath, reading wonderful stories, getting a full body massage with lotion and in general preparing myself for a good night sleep? I think I might actually be asleep before midnight, I might actually sleep better and as a result I might be a happier more productive person. Hmmmmm. What if I made sure that I had food and drink on a regular basis, to the point of carrying a snack with me when leaving home? Maybe I wouldn’t be so cranky when the doctor’s appointment goes long or traffic is heavy. Hmmmmm. What would happen if I considered the major food groups and the colors of the rainbow when I plan my own meals like I plan my sons – wait, that would require planning my meals…hmmmm.
I schedule play time for my son. I make sure that his schedule is balanced between work and play, I schedule quiet time, outdoor time and play dates…because I love him and want him to be happy. But it occurs to me that by not doing these things for myself I am also teaching him that when you grow up, you don’t have to take care of yourself anymore. Uggggh, that is a punch to stomach. I thought I was teaching him the opposite, that he is worth caring for. But you can’t give away what you don’t have. Ugggggh, another punch to stomach. I want my son to feel loved and worthy of being taken care of – whether it is self care or care that comes from someone else. If I am really committed to teaching him this lesson I have to module it.
So I offer a challenge to all of us, all the moms out there, the self care equation for moms. For the next month let’s all treat ourselves to the care that we treat our children to. If we start to put our needs on the bottom of the priority pile, let’s stop and consider if we would ever do that to our children. If we wouldn’t do it to our children, we can’t do it to ourselves. If it wouldn’t be good for them – it’s not good for us. If you aren’t sure, consider “If I let my kid do this how would their behavior change?” It’s laughable. I had popcorn for dinner three nights ago. Imagine feeding your kid popcorn for dinner and then expecting them to behave like a reasonable person! So for the rest of the month let’s have the same rules apply to us. Who knows we all might feel better, more rested, happier and more productive. Keep me posted as to your progress; I need to know if it’s just me!
Tags: motherhood incorporated, Self Care for Moms, Shannon Penrod, Taking care of kids
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06Apr
by Susan Haid
What do we teach our children about authority?
There are several simple but critically important keys for raising empowered children. We can give our kids the tools they need, starting at a very young age. These tools will empower them throughout their lives as they grow, yet they are core values that will evolve more fully as time passes. Let me first state that by core values, I am referring to values that develop and mature from within the child and are not imposed upon the child from the outside. The point is to nurture the growth of concrete navigational equipment that is rooted from within the child and stems from the child’s own personal life experience. This will result in a powerful form of self- knowledge, otherwise referred to here as “authority,” that is ultimately deeply empowering because it is the result of actual life experience. There is no better teacher than experience itself.
There are 17 basic fundamental concepts to begin with. In this article, I will be addressing the first key concept which is “authority.” For kids, this can be a confusing subject depending on the information they are given. The bottom line, if we are to cultivate empowerment within a child, is that we must support our children in developing their innate understanding of themselves, who they are, what they think, what they feel, and what they believe. By this, I mean that we must help our children to understand themselves from the inside out first, rather than imposing concepts upon them from the outside. We must help our children not only to understand but also respect what they think, feel and believe about their life experiences. As parents, we must help our children learn to trust their feelings, instincts, thoughts and reactions. If we separate our kids from this basic and often protective information, we have unwittingly initiated their path of separation from themselves and their consequent ability to move through life in a way that is constructive and healthy.
We must become very good listeners who can listen without judgment. First and foremost, we must listen to, honor and respect the thoughts and feelings of our children. Why is this so important? You see, as a child tells us their story, our listening without imposing judgment or giving advice acknowledges the individuality of their experience and validates and values their thoughts and feelings. This allows the child’s own discovery process to unfold. This allows the child’s problem-solving abilities to develop. And most potently, this allows the child to remain fully connected to their innate and natural abilities to trust their own feelings, ideas, instincts and consequent decisions about their life experiences. This supports the development of a core value system that will be difficult to challenge because it comes from within and is based on personal, real world knowledge.
How important is this key concept of self-knowledge and authority? It is critical. By supporting kids in developing self-knowledge, we help them cut through the confusion. Confusion is based in having to weigh and balance who they truly are with who they feel they are supposed to be. There is only one true answer. In addition, often along with the development of self-understanding comes compassion, and what more valuable “core value” is true and abiding compassion?
As parents, we can give our children the confidence to trust themselves in any situation by nuturing their innate ability to choose what is compassionate for themselves and others. This eliminates the possiblility of selfish, self-serving behavior yet honors each person’s right to choose for themselves. This also leads to the development of inner clarity so that abusive people and situations are seen for what they truly are.
This is true authority. It has absolutely nothing to do with the concept of power, and this is the type of guidance our children need to live healthy, happy, fulfilling lives.
For more helpful information about building authority within children, visit http://www.lilystruth.com where you will find more exciting and supportive details.
Tags: authority, buiding compassion in children, building confidence in children, building core values in children, building trust in children, children and authority, children and responsibility, children and self-knowledge, children and trust, conscious children, conscious parenting, core Values, empowering children, empowering parents, empowerment, empowerment for kids, families, family, family values, help for parents, Lily's Kids, lilys truth, listening to children, new parenting, new ways of parenting, Parenting, parenting and values, self-understanding, susan a. haid, Susan Haid, teaching children, teaching children at home, understanding children
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03Apr
By Sandra Beck
“I just don’t DO routines. It cramps my style” I overheard someone saying recently.
The funny thing is that I tell my 5 year old exactly the opposite every morning. “Sweetheart, we can spend all morning discussing the ins and the outs of brushing our teeth – or we can just do everything that we need to do and then have lots of time to play before 
school.”
Before kids, I used to be an untidy-bordering-on-unsanitary creature. It strikes me as ironic that although I’m three times as busy now, my home is cleaner and better organized.
One of the deep held beliefs that I’ve had to let go of is the ‘Magic Saturday’. On ‘Magic Saturday’ there will be ample time to catch up on sleep. Housework will get done effortlessly with some music on. My husband and I would harmoniously hoover and dust while we chat. On ‘Magic Saturday’ all the bills will be paid, and filed alphabetically. Even before kids, it was a myth – hence why I lived in mess and chaos. Now that kids are here – ‘Magic Saturday’ is a laughable dream.
I’ve had to learn about routines to deal with the fact that there is too much going on in my life for me to think about it all at once. The next best thing to having a live-in cleaner, is to be able to do the bulk of the regular chores on auto-pilot without needing to get stressed about it or think about it.
I ignore the looks from the people who knew the old me. I proudly pin up menu plans and housework routines on the fridge. Everything is in little must-do chunks. It means that I have a definite point when I’m free to enjoy my kids, or indulge my muse, or log on to check my emails.
And my kids? They have their own ‘get ready for school’ pictorial chart. It means that even my nagging can go onto autopilot: “Get ready for school, darling. Look on the chart for the next thing you need to do”.
www.flylady.net
is a great site to check out!
www.sandrabeck.com
www.motherhoodincorporated.com
Tags: Busy Mom, flylady, flylady toolbox, flylady.net, Juggling Motherhood, Moms in Chaos, Overwhelmed Moms, Sandra Beck, Working Mother, www.motherhoodincorporated.com, www.sandrabeck.com
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01Apr
By Sandra Beck
Those short eighty minutes between waking and setting off to work encapsulate all the traumas of working motherhood.
My son, at the ripe age of 5, is clearly not a morning person. He flops across his bed in a Dali-esque pose, idly riffing through the things that might delay his needing to get up. “I want to stay at home today, Mommy. Why can’t I? I like being with you, Mommy”. After a pause he’ll muse “I’d like to watch Shrek… I want it NOW”. Then he’d try “I’m hurt – look” pointing to a freckle on his forearm “I 
need to stay in bed to get better”.
(Ping! Guilt – Working Motherhood Cliche 1)
He’s quite capable of dressing himself – and sometimes he will roll through the morning chores referring to the special chart I’ve drawn for him. Other times I get drawn into putting his socks on and debating the merits of regular school attendance. Then I wonder why the morning always ends in me running in high heels.
(Ping! Doing everything for everyone – WMC 2).
The morning pivots around breakfast: we need to all be at the table dressed by 7.30, so that we can enjoy ten minutes actually looking at our loved ones. Breakfast gives us a target to work towards. It breaks up the relentless nagging and chivying with something pleasant.
(Ping! Fiercely fought for ‘quality time’ – WMC 3)
Mind you, for breakfast, and all the rest, to fall into place, I’m getting up a full hour before the rest of the family.
(Ping! Self sacrifice – WMC 4).
We have a kitchen calendar which holds all the family’s appointments. We check the calendar and pack our bags. I always double check my phone is charged; make sure I know who will be picking up the kids in the evening.
(Ping! Organizational powerhouse – WMC 5).
“Kids – I said SHOES. Not Lego, not picking fluff from behind the radiator, SHOES. That’s why we never have time to play in the mornings. We spend the whole time talking about SHOES. SHOES SHOES SHOES SHOES SHOES. Thank you. That’s better.”
(Ping! Frazzled- WMC 6).
All that – but we do have time for a lovely kiss and a hug to say goodbye and to wish each other a nice day.
www.sandrabeck.com
Tags: Getting out the Morning Door, motherhoodincorporated.com, Sandra Beck, sandrabeck.com, Time Management, Working Mom, Working Motherhood Cliches
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17Mar
by Shannon Penrod
Isn’t being a Mom great? Yesterday I went to three stores trying to locate a St. Patrick ’s Day wand for my son. The letter of the week is W, he has to share something starting with W and on Saturday he informed me it had to be a leprechaun wand. Okay, I’m on the job. Only no one had any St. Paddy’s day wands – So I decided to make one! Yes, this is how I get my Super Mom Cape caught in the fan. 
But I cobbled up a wand. And I bought a bunch of sticky foam shamrocks. Then I soaked a bunch of coins in vinegar to make them shine. I stuck coins to the back of the shamrocks. This is when my husband walked by and asked what I was doing, I told him my plan and he emptied his pockets of change.
Fast forward to 5am this morning when I crawled out of my warm bed to do work that I wasn’t able to do yesterday while I was making wands. I did some work, sprinkled the shamrocks in a pattern on the floor and started making special green biscuits for my son to take to school. It’s not even 7 am, but I’m well into my work day.
At 7:15 I instruct my husband to stand by the front door and make a ruckus. I tell him to make sure to slam the door shut when he sees our son coming. I run into the bedroom screaming to my son that there is a leprechaun loose in the house. He is groggy, but quickly wakes up and comes running into the living room. “Get him!” I yell pointing to the door. My son runs towards the door, my husband slams the door on cue and says, “Oh, no he got away!”
I point out to my son that the leprechaun has dropped some stuff. He has a blast picking up the shamrocks and identifying the money that is underneath. We all sit at the table to count the money and my son is thrilled. He says, “I found a pot of gold!” and then he looks adoringly up at my husband and says, “Thank you Daddy.” – Wait a minute – Thank you Daddy? Excuse me? Then my son starts munching on a green biscuit and tells me to go to the store and get him some bubble water.
Needless to say everything stopped and we had a pleasant conversation about why Mommy does nice things for you and how to show appropriate gratitude! Still, Daddy leaves for work – a long day that will not bring him home until after my son’s bedtime and I am left with putting green sparkly accessories on a boy who is already missing “Daddy the Wonderful”. Don’t get me wrong, Daddy is wonderful – but Hello! Mommy is a super hero! Okay her cape is usually caught in the fan, but come on! Where are the cheers? Where is the love? Where is the marching band? I guess I did my job so well that I preserved my anonymous super hero status for another day. To all the moms out there who stayed up late washing green clothes or woke up early to make green food – Happy St. Patrick’s Day – with a side order of resentment!
Tags: Motherhood, motherhood incorporated, Resentment, Shannon Penrod, St. Patrick's Day, Super Hero Mommy
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13Mar
By Sandra Beck, Motherhood Incorporated
The loneliness of modern motherhood. You’ve sprained your ankle, you’ve a looming deadline and the nanny’s got toothache. Your husband is busy being executive and important. Who’s your backstop? Who’ll pick up the kids – not to mention make you a cup of tea?
I think that working mothers find it harder to ask for help. I have this irrational feeling that now I’ve started to pay for childcare, I should be able to solve all my childcare crises by throwing money at the problem. Unfortunately, I’ve never come across the legendary child-loving teenager looking for occasional work. The girls at my son’s school each seemed to have a second (and sometimes third) job. Their diaries were more jammed than mine.
For evenings, I’ve joined a reputable babysitting agency. They take the hassle out of my hands. Of course, there is a risk in trusting a stranger, but they have good checks, and they always try to send the same person if they can.
For that school-run tight spot, I’m shy about asking other mothers to take on my kids. I’m conscious that I can’t really reciprocate. Having more than one kid obviously makes it a far bigger favor too. I find it easier to ask for help from other working mums – because I’m very sensitive to looking like I assume stay at home parents have more free time.
In my charmless, grudging, prickly way, I’ve admitted to my parents and in-laws that sometimes the juggling gets tricky. In her opinionated, fussy way, my mum and dad has started offering me some very well focused support, which has let me to win a little bit of time together on the weekends, and helps me when I have to do overnight business trips.
I’m practicing asking my friends for help too. The words don’t come easy, but I have an especially expressive guttural grunt just for this purpose.
www.motherhoodincorporated.com
www.sandrabeck.com
Tags: Modern Motherhood, Working Mothers, Sandra Beck, Motherhood Incorporated, www.sandrabeck.com, www.motherhoodincorporated.com, jugglings working motherhood, working mom, working mother, busy mom
Tags: Busy Mom, Jugglings of a Working Mom, motherhood incorporated, Old fashioned help, Working Mom, Working Mother
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24Feb
By Nicole Perkins
Between the aching hips, violent heartburn and general exhaustion of being pregnant with my third child, I have to find time to keep the house running. Insert howls of laughter here.
My family’s been really great - my husband tries to do things the way he thinks I want them done, but still just doesn’t understand that a kitchen isn’t really clean until the sink and counters have been wiped down. I’m trying to let go and I love him even more for trying.
Even the kids are trying really hard to be helpful. I made them a sticker chart and after 10 stickers, they get a prize – nothing fancy, just dollar store junk – and I am blown away at how fast they try to get those stickers. Anything that requires bending over has become their thing and they are now happy to do it and look for things they can do to earn those stickers.
Now if only I can feel ready for this baby. All my repressed memories are starting to resurface and I’m getting scared. As I start to write this I realize that most of that fear revolves around nursing.
I did it for four months with my daughter, but barely three with my son. I’ve read all the books, have all the support in the world, but between the cracking, engorging, wondering if they get enough, wondering if I make enough, pumping, watching what I eat/drink – I dread the whole song and dance of breastfeeding more than anything.
I remember being blown away with my daughter by all the stress and insecurity that it brought. I thought it would be easier with my second child, but it was harder. Maybe I’ll get lucky this time and everything will fall in place, but I’m not getting my hopes up.
I’ll do it because it’s the best thing for my baby, and I’ll try for as long as I can as with the other two, but I am definitely not looking forward to it. And maybe I’m psyching myself out, but I am not a quitter and I’ll give it another shot. I blame National Geographic for making it look so easy!
Tags: Breastfeeding Struggles, motherhood incorporated, Nicole Perkins, Nursing
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08Feb
I’m reading all this inspirational, self-affirming material of late and then out of left field comes this one……
The other morning, I am in the car with my boy and carpooling two other kids. The boys are singing Kung Foo Fighting and I join in. My son’s face starts to contort into an embrarassed NOT cool shape! I can remember that not cool feeling. I told them that the songs they are singing lately and learning on their Guitar Hero, were really songs from when I was young. I told them that the Pat Benatar song Hit Me With Your Best Shot was number one when I was 16. Suddenly the little girl asks “How old are you, Dahna?”. After saying I’m 42, my protective son, (his name Liam actually means that!), pipes up: “Yeah. She colors her hair”. I laugh out loud and mention that my folks both became gray quite young and that there is a strong genetic influence on such matters. So for a split second I thought my rationalization had worked. And then comes the sledgehammer- “Yeah, but you can tell by the wrinkles anyhow”!
When I walked into the house and looked in the mirror I began: “Wrinkles are beautiful”! by Dahna Weber
Tags: carpooling stories, Dahna Weber, feeling old, genetic influence on gray hair, gray and wrinkled, Gray and wrinkly, Guitar Hero songs from the 80's, kids and honesty, kids are brutally honest, kids embarassed by parents, kids say the funniest things, Kung Foo Fighting, parents are uncool, Pat Benatar Hit Me With Your Best Shot, wrinkles are beautiful
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03Feb
All my life I heard these beautiful stories from mothers about the birth of their children. They usually go something like this, “The day my child was born was the best, most beautiful day of my life. My heart just opened up with love. I was in heaven. I never knew love like this before…” You get the idea.
So fast-forward to the birth of my own daughter Siena. Everything was going smoothly – as smoothly as it can go with no painkillers, no drugs, and no sleep – until a few minutes before she was going to be pushed out of my womb. And then it hit me. Oh my god, there is no going back. Yes, intellectually I had realized this. I knew that a real, live baby was coming for the last 9 months, but at a core, visceral level, I did not truly know what this meant until just a few minutes before she was born. And I was scared to death. What had I done? My life will no longer be my own. How am I going to take care of this small baby? I was totally and utterly overwhelmed and helpless to stop this process from completing. This baby was coming. My body was working to get this baby out, even as my mind and emotions were desperately trying to press rewind. Thank god bodies know what to do even when we don’t.
I’d like to be able to say that the moment Siena was born and placed in my arms, the world stopped, the gates of heaven opened and this love just poured out of me, making it the most beautiful day of my life. But that’s not what happened. Love was there and a fierce protectiveness, but there was also this feeling that I was meeting a stranger. Who is this being that came out of my body? The fear was still there too, but thankfully, my instincts kicked into gear and I knew what to do. Over the next days, weeks, months, my love for this little baby grew more and more intense and I can now say that I never knew love like this before. But it took time.
Now I know that my experience is okay – not just okay, but fairly common. It’s just not talked about as much. It’s a dark truth that’s not as glamorous and beautiful as those other birth stories. Still, I think it’s important that these stories get shared. They are part of the spectrum of mothers’ experiences and as we mothers share our truth, they give space for other mothers to accept the full range of their emotions and experiences – the good, the bad and the ugly.
By Anita Michelson
Tags: Being a Mom, dark confessions, day my child was born, giving birth, mother's experiences, share our truth, take care of a baby
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02Feb
I have just returned from a wonderful trip to California where I visited my daughter, sister and two year old niece, Siena. It’s been a while since I have spent time with a child this young. I loved every moment of it. Basically, we spent two weeks on baby time, which is perfect for me. It means living in the now, in the present moment. I got right down on the floor with her and played pretend house and school and whatever else she wanted to play in each moment.
I found myself singing, dancing, and laughing often. We sang in the car, we sang in the street. California is big on farmer’s markets. We visited an amazing market in one of the suberbs of San Jose. I believe they call it, downtown Campbell. There was what looked like a homeless man playing the guitar. He was singing a Greatful Dead song. One that my sister, Anita and I loved. So we started dancing and singing the words to the song at the tops of our lungs. Anita was holding Siena in her arms. Siena was obviously enjoying all of this. Suddenly, my sister and I found ourselves looking at each other. We started to laugh, the words of the song became very inappropriate for a two year old. But what to do? We just continued to sing along as if nothing was wrong.
By Deb Gillespie
Tags: Anita Michelson, baby time, Deb Gillespie, farmer's market California, living in the monent, living in the now, San Jose California, Siena Michelson
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01Feb
I can remember being a little girl….and sometimes waking up and finding my dad sitting on my bed stroking my hair. I remember being filled with so much comfort, security and love at those moments. Now, each night my precious boy is with me, I always stroke his hair and kiss him before I go to sleep. I am amazed at how much love fills me; at how much I can love this person. It’s bursting.
And then tonight. He had his buddy sleep over for the night. Something I believe he likes to do more than most children due to the fact he is an only child. I try to make that happen for him as much as I can. In order to calm them, I lied between the two of them and read to them. As I was reading Liam said, read it with a funny accent. And so in a mix of Cockney and London snobberish lilts, I continued. They loved it. So I continued on in this manner. After a bit, I noticed that my son had started to stroke my hair. He has never done this before. Still somehow I knew he was doing it to show his appreciation and comfort at having me near him, and being his mom.
I am filled with joy, love and appreciation. And of course have tears streaming down my cheeks. I definitely did something right. So did my dad.
by Dahna Weber
Tags: comforting your children, Dahna Weber, feeling comforted, feeling security, following parents rituals, generational hair stroking, hair stroking, joy love and appreciation, my dad stroking my hair, only children and sleep overs, sleepovers, son stroking my hair, stroking my son's hair, touched by your children
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31Jan
So we found one. A wishbone. Why is that always exciting? It’s been sitting on the window ledge for a good 10 days now. When I wash the dishes, (not as often as I should), it stares me in the face asking; What are your wishes? What are Liam’s wishes? When are we going to do this? It has made me contemplative. Made me notice how the bulk of my wishes are all wishes for Liam…even when they are about me. I try to think of ways I can make sure he wins when we do hook pinkies and split the bone in two. It’s like the coin toss. No way to cheat. No way to strategically guarantee that Liam wins…..Guess I’ll just leave it up to fate and wish that he wins and his wish comes true!! by Dahna Weber
Tags: Dahna Weber, hoping your children's wishes come true, how to lose the wishbone challenge, make a wish, wanting the best for your kids, wisbone strategies, wishbones
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28Jan
Last night, I finished taking my CPR and First Aid re-certification. I do this to make sure that I know what to do in case my kids get hurt. The instructor brough up the subject of emergency preparedness. She said that after that huge October earthquake drill that the Los Angeles county had they found out one thing, they are NOT ready for a major disaster. She continued by telling us that we take these classes to help our children but that most of us are not ready for a major disaster either. So how do we expect to give aid to our loved ones in case of a major earthquake if we are not prepared with adaquate supplies to give aid.
In my case, this is so true. I do so much to keep my home safe for my kids but I have nothing for them in case a major disaster happens.
Our instructor gave us the following information to help us get prepared. First, she said to go to the red cross website. They have the most up to date information on how to get prepared. They have great checklists to prepare your own emergency kit. One thing I would like to point out is that now they recommend that you have enough supplies to last 7-10 days.
If you don’t have time to sit and collect all these items that the Red Cross recommends, you can go to www.readyfreddy.com. Ready Freddy sells emergency preparedness kits for all size families.
Our instructor ended the class by telling us that it is a good idea to prepare this kit keeping in mind that there will be no professional help for you and your family for 7-10 days.
Tags: Emergency readiness, family safety
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