Motherhood Incorporated

So we found one.  A wishbone.  Why is that always exciting?  It’s been sitting on the window ledge for a good 10 days now.  When I wash the dishes, (not as often as I should), it stares me in the face asking; What are your wishes? What are Liam’s wishes? When are we going to do this?  It has made me contemplative.  Made me notice how the bulk of my wishes are all wishes for Liam…even when they are about me.  I try to think of ways I can make sure he wins when we do hook pinkies and split the bone in two.  It’s like the coin toss.  No way to cheat.  No way to strategically guarantee that Liam wins…..Guess I’ll just leave it up to fate and wish that he wins and his wish comes true!!  by Dahna Weber

Last night, I finished taking my CPR and First Aid re-certification. I do this to make sure that I know what to do in case my kids get hurt. The instructor brough up the subject of emergency preparedness. She said that after that huge October earthquake drill that the Los Angeles county had they found out one thing, they are NOT ready for a major disaster.  She continued by telling us that we take these classes to help our children but that most of us are not ready for a major disaster either. So how do we expect to give aid to our loved ones in case of a major earthquake if we are not prepared with adaquate supplies to give aid.  

In my case, this is so true. I do so much to keep my home safe for my kids but I have nothing for them in case a major disaster  happens. 

Our instructor gave us the following information to help us get prepared. First, she said to go to the red cross website. They have the most up to date information on how to get prepared.  They have great checklists to prepare your own emergency kit. One thing I would like to point out is that now they recommend that you have enough supplies to last 7-10 days.

If   you don’t have time to sit and collect all these items that the Red Cross recommends, you can go to www.readyfreddy.com.  Ready Freddy sells emergency preparedness kits for all size families.

Our instructor ended the class by telling us that it is a good idea to prepare this kit keeping in mind that there will be no professional help for you and your family for 7-10 days.

This is what I wish my dinner looked like!

by Sandra Beck

So last night as usual I was throwing together a meal at 5:30 while two hungry kids fought over the remote control.  All I could hear was, “Sponge Bob!”  and then, “No, I want Elmo!”  “Noooooo! Sponge Bob!”

The noise was good though, it means that though struggling, they were not bleeding, unconcious or sticking their fingers into sockets!  I was reading my blackberry, waiting for a contract to come through that would make the rest of my month bearable financially, when I saw a rubber mallet left by my dad who had been by to fix something.

I looked at the unappetizing chicken breast. I was going to use this metal pokey thing (a meat mallet) that was given to me as a gift by a wonderful chef friend of mine. It was silver and shiny, but it poked holes in the plastic bag when I pounded the meat flat. For some reason these days, my older son will not eat meat that is “too thick” and with all I have on my plate right now trying to figure that one out will have to wait. Actually, I put it up to – This phase too shall pass.”

Eyeing my dad’s rubber mallet, I washed it off and rubbed it with a swipe of chlorox. I started pounding away at the meat.   Checking the Blackberry, no contract yet, I pounded harder.   Flipping through the mail and seeing no promised check from a client that is 52 days late, back to the meat. Pound! Pound! Pound!

Wow! This feels good! Over to the frozen corn bag I went. Pound! Pound! Pound! Ooops! The bag split open shooting frozen corn kernels all over. I called over my dogs who ate up the mess on the floor.  The kids heard the commotion and ran in after the dogs.

“What are you doing, mom?” my son asked looking at me as if I had lost my mind (as if thin meat is sane.)

“I’m cooking,” I replied, feeling very zen.

“Isn’t that grandpa’s hammer?”  he asked. “I didn’t know you use hammers to cook, cool!”

I didn’t want to tell him our friend the chef uses a blowtorch on his creme brulee less my son burn the house down. I felt loads better.  Who would think that after the end of a stressful day as a working mom that grandpa’s hammer is now my favorite kitchen tool.  Just for fun I broke up some ice chunks last night as well.

The contract didn’t arrive until today. I am still waiting for the check. But the next time I am in need of some stress relief while multitasking- working and feeding my kids – all I can say is Look out Chicken!

by Deb Gillespie

When do we give up on our dreams? Somewhere along the journey, many of us give up on our childhood dreams. Remember when we were young and we pretended to be actors or super heroes? We were so excited about our future goals of being writers or even the president. And now what are we doing? At what point do we give up on our dreams ? Do they become unrealistic and just pie in the sky illusions far out of our reach?

I have asked myself these questions at many different points in my life. Of course we have to make a living and support our families and deal with life’s many challenges along the way. Sometimes we come to crossroads where we are given opportunities to make changes. It is at these moments where there may be space created to review our current life’s directions and where we are focusing our energy.

Where there is energy there is power. Take a moment to analyze where your energy is strongest. What gets you exited in life? Where is your passion? Is there any way to channel this energy into creating new oppurtinities for yourself? Can you take back your dream? Are we really as limited as we thought we were, or are we limitless and boundless spirits with the ability to create and live out our dreams?

www.debgillespie.com

by Sandra Beck

Flora is a favorite icon at Motherhood Incorporated for her strong leadership in Sleeping Beauty along with her partners Fauna and Merryweather who demonstrat Altruism and Honor.

Recently my sons and I watched Sleeping Beauty which features the three fairy godmothers. When my sons were born, they were baptized in my family tradition and given their Auntie Jill  Beck as their Catholic Godmother. In the spirit of Hillary Clinton and the famous African proverb it takes a village to raise a child, I always felt that to have one godmother put all the pressure on one woman.

So when both Max and Zach were born, they were assigned Fairy Godmothers. Beverly Allen-Ananins, Maura McAniff Johnson and Lou Paget filled the bill perfectly. So I printed up a form on the internet, wrote down their names and it was official. Both Max and Zach had three very wonderful and fantastic fairy godmothers.

Fast forward five years and Sleeping Beauty. The three Fairy Godmothers (Flora, Fauna and Merryweather) come on the screen.  Max looks at me when Flora, Fauna and Merryweather dance around and sing and he askes if that’s Auntie Bev, Auntie Maura and Auntie Lou.

I thought about it. And I studied the three Godmothers in the film.

 Flora: Flora is always dressed in red. The leader of the group, she helps Fauna and Merryweather make the right decisions. (All I could think was that’s Lou!)

Fauna: A sweet and gentle fairy, Fauna dresses in green. Always eager to help, she only uses magic to help others. (Yes, this is Maura!)

Merryweather: A spirited fairy dressed in blue, Merryweather wants to change the way things are for the better. (And, yes, that’s Bev!)

There on the screen in full 1959 technicolor are the kid’s Three Fairy Godmothers in animation. The represent the spirit in which I chose them strength, altruism  and honor. Without realizing it, I chose three of the most important skills I want my son’s to have in these three powerful women.

Max then asked me if his Fairy Godmothers have wings…and I said yes, and they help him to fly.  At 5 he doesn’t understand the concept of love, support and friendship and how that makes us fly – but his mom sure does.  Because the three friends I have chosen as my sons’ fairy godmothers help me to fly.

So next time you watch Sleeping Beauty, stop for a minute when the Fairy Godmothers come on the screen and see who they are in your life.  Maybe you want to assign some Fairy Godmothers! It’s fun and its a fun way to celebrate the powerful and wonderful women in your life with your children.

www.sandrabeck.com

By Nicole Perkins

Although the holidays are over, this is one of those tips you’ll probably need at some point during the year. Just tuck it away for when you do – it is just so brilliant, I feel compelled to share.

Now perhaps this is an old one, or some of you may roll your eyes and think this is nothing new, but when my husband, yes, my husband, suggested it, I couldn’t believe I hadn’t thought of it sooner!

My kids had made a huge batch of Christmas cookies with Grandma, cut out all the cute little shapes, made a giant batch of frosting for decorating, but I was stumped as to how best to distribute all the colors we wanted to use. Buying a pastry bag for each color would be expensive, besides my market only had one left. Plus, I wanted something the kids could use that would be more fun, less mess.

Then in walks my husband, as though he’s been doing this for years, and suggests we use the medicine droppers that have piled up in the kids’ drawer for all the different colors. Cue thunderous applause.

I got out little bowls, mixed the colors up, and let the kids squirt all the different colors all over our delicious holiday cookies. It was so easy, so fun and worked like a charm. I can’t wait to do it for Valentine’s Day!!

I am six months pregnant and counting. I am not only counting the days til I have my baby but also to the days where I no longer have to commute back and forth to my job. I finally decided that I will not go back to my 9-5 after I have my baby. Instead I will stay home and make my part time bookkeeping job into my full time job.

The next step was to tell my boss, which was nerve wrecking. Not only did I need to tell him about my plans but I wanted to ask him if he would like to be one of my clients. He always knew that I wanted to stay home with my children and work. He usually said comments to discourage me from bring up the topic. But I asked any way. I sat down with him and discussed the benefits of him allowing me to work from home. Since his office is small and business has slowed down, I told him that financially it would benefit him to allow me to work from home. Not only will his payroll expenses be reduced but also he would get extra free time from me. I figured if I spend two hours driving back and forth everyday, why not use that time to do some work for him with out him incurring any expenses. 

It took time for him to grow into the idea and really think about it. He did not say anything after our first meeting but then after several follow ups he told me he was ok with me doing some work for him at home. I was so happy to know that he took time to consider my decision and thrilled to know that more people are starting to support the idea of work from home moms.

I’m in California visiting with my daughter and her boyfriend this week. They are both 21 years old and are renting a little house together. They work hard to scrape up enough money to pay rent and their other expenses. I’ve been having conversations with her boyfriend’s mom around trying to convince them to take some college courses. The two of them do not have college degrees and are working for just over minimum wage. They are bright kids who were not ready for college right after high school but are starting to see what life is like without a degree.

Discussions have surfaced around thoughts of pursuing dreams versus studying something that you don’t actually have a passion in. Brandon loves to skateboard and he is actually very talented, but chances of making a living at it are slim. And Samantha is a gifted writer. Then again, should I try to persuade her to a career in something more stable such as teaching?

It is a tough thing to do to squash your kids’ dreams and persuade them against following their heart. There has to be another way.  I still don’t have the answers after all these years. I remember when my kids were little. They used to pretend that they were actors or super heroes. The sky was the limit back then. Now how am I supposed to tell them that this is no longer true for them, or is it?  Am I supposed to tell them that they should no longer follow their passions? Is isn’t true that where there is energy there is power? If the energy is alive and focused toward their passions, shouldn’t that be where they should be? Being the mom, I have a lot of influence over their decisions. I don’t want to be the one to squash their dreams. I always tell my kids that I am their biggest fan. This will always be true no matter what they end up doing in life.

By Deb Gillespie

by Susan Haid

Susan Haid with Family

There is a dilemma in parenting right now regarding the concept of “core values.” How does a parent build core values in a child? Let’s begin by talking about the innate and natural abilites that exist within a child by making the assumption that there is, in most people, the ability to self-regulate. We must understand this self-regulation mechanism and understand its value in parenting.

To begin with, let me present a metaphor. When a person stands up, there is something called “equilibrium” that takes place. Balance is something that is acquired as one learns to stand up and walk as babies do; babies learn with practice how to build the skills needed to learn to walk about without trouble. Of course, assistance is necessary in the toddler years, but proficiency grows with each new step. After trial and error, and some will-power to grow, the changes occur within ourselves to become efficient walkers. There is nothing about the mechanisms of this but trial and error. It is the same with learning to grow spiritually and building core values within oneself. There is not a lot about it that requires great strength. It has a way of beginning and growing from within itself all on its own, yet most profoundly through experience.

Children are not seekers of great truth; it overwhelms them. A sadness occurs within each child, a sadness that remains when values are imposed which force upon them a highly restrictive right-wrong system of living…a system which may shut down and confuse their innate ability to make conscious, conscientious choices. Instead, maybe we should let children teach themselves in as many situations that reasonably allow for it. Within the perimeter of a safe setting, we can let our kids figure out which side of the fence they’re on. They can choose which is the “right” side or the “left” side. We should understand that each way brings with it its own choices and discoveries. Neither choice is the “right” way or the “wrong” way. Each choice is valid.

This type of learning is experiential. It has its merits. The question, “Which way is the right way?” should be replaced with, “Which way will I choose?” and “How will I decide?” This method supports the development of corrective mechanisms as well as creative opportunities for growth. The struggle may be there, yes, it will be. At least in the face of a struggle, there is an opportunity for growth and change. In the midst of struggle, a desire comes forth that commands our attention. We must be seen, heard and understood for who we are. This resonates clearly as we ring forth our truth like a great brass bell.

This method requires a parent to step outside of older models of parenting into new territory. But it seems to me that the knowledge and the skills a child builds through this exercise comes from within their own domain of experience. This is a very powerful form of learning that far outweighs the benefits of mere rhetoric.

Consider this parenting method in this light; have you ever questioned yourself? As you struggle to find your answer, finally, you let go, knowing you did what you thought was best. You let go. You then must ask yourself, are you “left” or “right”? Whatever the answer, it tells a story. It is a story of answers. The answers speak to you, and you self-regulate. Just like a baby learning to walk.

Sure, there might be a few bumps and bruises along the way. But the main thing is, you learned to walk. You now stand tall and proud.

For more insightful information about conscious living and conscious parenting, visit www.lilystruth.com.

by Sandra Beck

Recently I was trying to plan my year, and then I started laughing. I was struggling to plan my week, much less month or even year.  One thing became clear was that this year I was going to make more time for my family. They need it. I need it.  But the million dollar question was where was I supposed to pull this time from.

I realized that I was doing to much and that I didn’t have to be super mom. Was it terrible for me to ask my son to bring his cereal bowl to the sink. Could I really ask my 2 and 5 year old to pick up the toys with me. The answer was a resounding yes!  It is perfectly fine to ask your spouse and your children to help. As a working mom, I am finding that it means working at home means I can get more done at home and get more stressed. So ask for help, and don’t be shy.

I also realized that I had way to much volunteer work on my plate.  Cooking, attending meetings, changing the world one frosted cupcake at a time is exhausting. I scaled back this year to one charity event at my house and one charity organization a month.  If I don’t go to each meeting, the world and the charity won’t fall apart.  I decided that I would volunteer at activites where I could spend time with my kids volunteering – and if they don’t want the kids at the event I will volunteer somewhere else. Multitasking with this stuff is a must and it teaches your kids to be helpful also.

 I am struggling with leaving work at work – especially because I work in my home. It is all too easy to pop into the office for a few hours when I should be resting, relaxing with my family or just chilling in front of the tv. Moms need downtime too.

So what if your bed isn’t made. I am not asking anyone to live in squalor, but lately I just flip the covers over with a quick tug and if there are lumps -so be it. I sat down and read my child a story instead of tuning the perfect bed. Its just going to get mussed anyway – especially since after reading we wrestled on the bed.

I realized that I had to look at my time as precious – like a banker, or lawyer or doctor – just because I work at home doesnt mean I have to do all the chore – and chores I don’t like to do or don’t want to do can wait or go to the babysitter for extra hours. Hiring the kid down the block to do some of the things I don’t like to do or don’t have time to do is sanity not extravagence. And, it leaves me less tired and with more time to spend with my kids – which is what life is all about!

www.sandrabeck.com

Motherhood Incorporated

by sandra beck

Recently I was reading Body & Soul magazine and found that the Body+Soul Challenge was available online. What I like about this challenge is that it is doable – reasonable and not at all expensive. Its a five-week transformation that starts with a detox – which is again – doable — brown rice, lemon water, lots of vegetables. I mean really what you expect from a detox. Cathy Wong, N.D. helped them design the week and what I saw in the program was similar to some of the fancy spa events I used to attend.  Aiding digestion, boosting energy and giving us all the best efforts to stay healthy is a huge part of being successful.

After everything we did this holiday season as working moms – the wrapping, the cooking, the cleaning, the everything…its a good time to start the year with a clean slate. Cathy Wong says that throughout the week, you’ll boost your efforts with exercise to “get blood moving through your organs more quickly and sweat out your toxins,” as Wong explains. An equally important above-the-shoulders media diet (no television, Web surfing) builds reflective downtime into your day. This I found the most helpful as I work through the 5-week program. Here is the link to the online program www.wholeliving.com/body-and-soul-challenge.

Perhaps most important, you’ll devote time to consider what, exactly, you want to take away from the Body+Soul Challenge. Daily writing exercises will help you explore and personalize its themes: nutrition, exercise, stress relief, and energy. By the end of the week, you’ll be in a great position to clearly identify your goals. So take a deep breath and get ready–a new you is just five weeks away. 

www.sandrabeck.com

by sandra beck

One of the most common comments I get from mother’s working from home is “aren’t you afraid?”

The answer is yes. Constantly. But to use the title of a very powerful book by Susan Jeffers – You need to feel the fear and do it anyway.  It is really easy to sit back and be afraid. When you are afraid you don’t have to act. When you are afraid you don’t have to try. You don’t need to do much but hide.

However, the costs of hiding are high. The longer you hide at home, the harder it is to get out.  I have talked to women from all over the US and Canada that have the same issues. Once you go home to raise your kids, its really hard to do anything else. Mostly because you feel you can’t because you are not employed by some “company.” A lot of times we get confidence from the company we work for or the title we hold.

The thought of running your own company scared the heck out of most moms, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Recntly, I watched the holiday specials with my kids and there was a song in one of the claymation Christmas videos. It’s message was simple. Put one foot in front of the other – and soon you’ll be walking out the door!

This is good advice to any mom who is thinking about working from home, who is working from home or who is considering a change in her work environment. We all know as mother’s that baby’s learn to walk by crawling, cruising and toddling. Yes, some stages take longer than others and every child is different. Well the same goes for us.

If you want to make this new year better by changing what you are doing – simply put one foot in front of the other.  And fear, yes that will be with you ever step of the way but use that energy to motivate you, not defeat you.

www.sandrabeck.com

I’m the one that came out the big winner.  My 9 year old son came home from Vegas last week.  He was out there over the holiday period with his dad for a few days.  And boy did I miss him.  After 5 days apart I was dying.  Really missing him in a big way.  He came home really late at night and collapsed into bed.  The real winnings came the next morning when he just wanted to sit and chat with me all about his trip.  It’s normally hard to get even a sentence out of him on how something was and yet that morning, he was all verbose and going on into great details about David Copperfield, the Blues Brother’s signed guitar he wanted to buy and all the people he saw smoking everywhere that disgusted him.  It’s strange how in the course of only a few days you really see how your child is maturing.  My big boy really did hit Vegas adn came back a bigger boy than ever.  Will someone please tell me how to slow him down?  He’s getting big too quick for me……..by Dahna Weber

By Nicole Perkins

Boy, do I wish it was from liquor but instead it’s just from over exhaustion. You see not only am I pregnant with my third child, in my desperate need to not be too pregnant or carrying around a newborn in the summer months of Arizona, my other two were born in the winter. And who knew we would conceive immediately, so they have birthdays that sandwich Christmas.

As for this pregnancy, I guess I can safely say that I am in the third trimester – as for the weeks or even months, I’m too tired to do the math anymore. Plus, it’s my third baby and I really just don’t care. I’m huge, I can barely walk and I’m miserable – that’s all I need to know. I actually consulted the trusty old What to Expect…  for reasons I’m sure you would thank me for keeping private, and discovered how much I’m glad I don’t remember, and quickly put it back down. Whatever is going on with me now is from doing too much this past month, and can only be remedied by rest and Preparation H.

So, needless to say, but I will anyway, the holidays were killer this year. On top of birthday parties, Christmas parties, keeping Santa gifts, birthday gifts and “From Mom and Dad” gifts separate, all while trying to block my stomach from any photos, I also got into my first ever major blowout with my brother. He’s always been my best friend, and he didn’t come home for Christmas. It was hard.

But I made it, barely. The holidays were gorgeous, my kids were darling and my husband and I are closer than ever. I think I’m still sane, but I know one thing for sure, I’m sober. Having a glass of wine amidst all the stress and celebrating would’ve been nice, but instead I just ate my ice cream that my husband makes for me every night and tried to get comfortable enough to fall asleep. How many more months do I have to go again?

I was reading in Body and Soul Magazine this month and they had a poll.  If there was one goal I could accomplish this year what would it be:

A non-surprising 51% said they wanted to lose weight.

24% said they wanted to save money.

14% wanted to learn a new skill

11% wanted to spend more time with friends and family.

I thought about all that for a moment.  I too would like to lose weight.  But that would knock out the second category of saving money. If I lost weight I want to spend more money on new clothes. As for the new skill, I wouldn’t have to because I would be so cute in my skinny body and new clothes.  Spending time with family and friends would be a natch because I would feel so good in my skinny clothes.

So overall, the survey to me was a bust. I am still eating holiday leftovers on January 8 so that kind of blows the whole survey for me!

by sandra beck

Okay, we all do it. I think I kill 100 trees a week between my printer, the kids coloring pages, baby wipes, tissues, and paper towels.

Then I cleaned out this old box I got from my parent’s house and in it were these lovely antique handkerchiefs owned by my grandmother Emily.  She was really on to something when I looked at the pretty detail – and that she could toss them in the sink to wash or even the washer — even better! I decided then and there that I was going to resurrect the tradition of the hankie – and save a tree in the process.

Did you know that to make paper, tissues, paper towels, baby wipes – all those handy paper items – that it destroys acres of ecologically diverse forests to get that virgin pulp – and makes that one of the worst offenders for global warming? I know personally I cannot live without some tissues, paper towels for spills, baby wipes for poops – but really – could I do a small part by using my handkerchief when possible? Sure! And could I give a nod to my ancestors who stand behind me and can I do a small part for my children’s eco-future …of course!

So dig through your treasure trove and you just might find yourself doing the earth and your kids future a favor while you stroll down memory lane with your grandma’s hankie…

by sandra beck

For many of us, the ability to have daycare in our homes is not possible as working mothers. First there is the expense, along with the location of your office – if its at home great, if not…what do you look for when you visit a prospective day center or family day care center.  Here is what I suggest and what I would look for:

1. Are there window guards and are fire exits well marked or obvious?

2. Are there security gates where needed?

3. Are the toys clean and in good condition with no sharp edges or broken pieces?

4. Is the food properly stored and refrigerated?

5. Are cleaning supplies locked away?

6. Are animals security?

7. Smoke alarms installed and a visible fire extinguisher present?

8. Are outside play areas enclosed and soft surfaced under equipment?

9. Do they have an emergency plan and are emergency numbers posted?

10. Do the other kids seem happy and content?

Of course this list is only a start. I found when looking at care for my children that my gut instinct was best of all. The one I ultimately chose was not the most state of the art – it was even kind of messy with the toys all over – but the kids were having a ball – the other mothers loved the center…the teachers/staff were fun, energetic and loving…and even though it didn’t get the highest marks on all my checklists and notes – my sons were happy, safe and loved going there…

Booked a flight to California, heading out this weekend, I can’t wait. I’m going to see my daughter, Sam. It’s been a long time coming, too long. Last time I saw her was this past July. She flew across the country to say good bye to her grandpa. It was a short visit, and as you can imagine, not a very joyful one.

My daughter will be turning 21. Yippee! I could never have envisioned that she would be living so far away from me, and that I would only see her twice a year. I really thought that she would always be there, that I could see her anytime that I wanted. I knew that she would be going off to college. But I never thought that she would settle down so far out of reach. And to make matters worse, she doesn’t have a land line, and her cell phone plan has limited minutes. And with me living in Canada, well, let’s just say we are not able to talk on the phone very much. If I talk to her once every two weeks, I consider myself lucky.

This past Christmas was the first Christmas that we did not spend together. It was painful for me. I saw photos, seems as though she enjoyed herself. I am happy for that.

It’s tough, this letting go, accepting what is. I’m doing it because I don’t have much of a choice. But this was not my plan. It’s life’s plan. And I’m realizing that I have to learn to accept life’s plans. I don’t have to always like it, but I do have to learn how to accept what is.

By Deb Gillespie