Motherhood Incorporated

by Sandra Beck

In Praise of Podcasts by Sandra Beck, Motherhood Incorporated

In praise of podcasts  A plethora of cliches often signposts a kernel of truth. Take your pick: women are good at multitasking; there aren’t enough hours in the day; I feel torn in two. Time is tight if you’re juggling motherhood and working. Add in any vague ambitions at maintaining broader interests or world awareness – and you’re stuffed, aren’t you?   I laugh at the idea of old me, feet up, reading the newspaper. I used to enjoy settling down with a good non-ficton book to really get myself informed on an issue. My friends and I debating over black coffee and pastries – we could have been in Paris.  For me, podcasts are an amazing shortcut. Simply browse, pick the ones that interest you, and subscribe to them. That ensures that I always have the latest edition on my iPod.  I always have an ear in when I commute. I’ve been known to stay listening if I’m walking with the buggy. It gives me an hour each day out of nowhere, that very nearly meets the definition of ‘me time’, At least, I feel a little more like ‘me’ if I can make informed contributions to conversations.   Being a London fan. I’m a big fan of BBC output. However, the real joy of the podcast can be in its accessibility to the amateur broadcaster. A high rated contributor on a podcast directory can often combine reasonable ‘listenable’ production values with some sharp commentary that the mainstream networks wouldn’t dare broadcast. I think that this anarchist iconoclast edge takes me back to my student days. We all know how seductive it is to feel young again.  For Christmas, we got a radio which can be connected to an MP3 player. Now the kids are getting into podcasts too. They enjoy all the songs and jokes from their favorite characters, without needing to be glued to the TV.   I thought I was being especially clever when I put a ‘tidy up song mix’ on my iPod. The kids loved it – they twirl and dance while I’m crouched on the floor picking up the toys. Never mind.  Some interesting sites to browse:   http://www.podcastblaster.com/directory/ http://www.podanza.com/podcasts/kids/

www.motherhoodincorporated.com

By Nicole Perkins

Between the aching hips, violent heartburn and general exhaustion of being pregnant with my third child, I have to find time to keep the house running. Insert howls of laughter here.

My family’s been really great - my husband tries to do things the way he thinks I want them done, but still just doesn’t understand that a kitchen isn’t really clean until the sink and counters have been wiped down. I’m trying to let go and I love him even more for trying.

Even the kids are trying really hard to be helpful. I made them a sticker chart and after 10 stickers, they get a prize – nothing fancy, just dollar store junk – and I am blown away at how fast they try to get those stickers. Anything that requires bending over has become their thing and they are now happy to do it and look for things they can do to earn those stickers.

Now if only I can feel ready for this baby. All my repressed memories are starting to resurface and I’m getting scared. As I start to write this I realize that most of that fear revolves around nursing.

I did it for four months with my daughter, but barely three with my son. I’ve read all the books, have all the support in the world, but between the cracking, engorging, wondering if they get enough, wondering if I make enough, pumping, watching what I eat/drink – I dread the whole song and dance of breastfeeding more than anything.

I remember being blown away with my daughter by all the stress and insecurity that it brought. I thought it would be easier with my second child, but it was harder. Maybe I’ll get lucky this time and everything will fall in place, but I’m not getting my hopes up.

I’ll do it because it’s the best thing for my baby, and I’ll try for as long as I can as with the other two, but I am definitely not looking forward to it. And maybe I’m psyching myself out, but I am not a quitter and I’ll give it another shot. I blame National Geographic for making it look so easy!

As working mothers, we are always on the lookout for new tips, tricks and techniques to get us through the day.  Recently, I read  Mom-in-Chief by Jamie Woolf.  Jamie relates a story about a SWA (Southwest Airlines)  customer service rep named Kim. Jamie is a leadeship consultant. ahhh…Southwest Airlines – a company I use often and have adored since I wrote a graduate thesis on them many years ago about their Love Coupons.  So the books talks about how  to delegate to children. I try to delegate – I have experience in delegation and the corporate level and a certificate on my wall that claims I am a master of negotiation.  You would think I could get my kids to do things, but I can’t.   Or at least I couldn’t.  Jamie in the book played a game with her kids to get the house in order after coming home from work and finding herself stretched for time.  She pretended her house was an airplane and her son was the pilot and her daughter I forget what she was (she should have been the pilot – this is 2009) but anyway I digress. At the end, the kids were picking up their toys and helping her get ready much faster and with much less stress than she could have on her own.  I found this to be a great way to get the kids involved and tried it with my own kids.  I have to vary the game – just like the race to pick up the toys gets old – but I find that we have been using the idea of setting up an imaginary situation to get the kids to do what I need them to do — some ideas we came up with have been The Great Train Race, The Martians are coming,  and Stinky Pete is Coming to Stink up your clothes (better get them in the hamper!).  She goes on in the book about  leadership and what to delegate and what to delay.   Its a good book to read with some handy ideas and the first book published by Working Mother magazine imprint.    

The words change, instability, insecurity, and unpredictability describe the dynamic state of affairs in our world today.  Nothing is what it used to be or what we thought it would be.  As we look towards tomorrow, what world do we envision for ourselves?  We find that we are staring into a gray zone.  We are scrambling to find our footing on ground that seems to be crumbling beneath our feet.  We have conflicting emotions of hope and fear about what tomorrow will bring, but we have no idea what that day will look like.

In the face of this tremendous time of change, we find that within ourselves we are undergoing massive reconstruction as well.  As the world around us falls apart, it forces us to take a long, hard look inside.  What do we find within ourselves that can provide us with some sense of stability and the confidence to ride out these challenges?  What gives us the gumption to get out of bed each day and face the unknown difficulties that the day is sure to bring?  And when these hurdles are ongoing over the long term, when there are no easy answers and no easy way out, how do we find a way to persevere?

If we are to maintain our sanity during this era of great insecurity, we are forced to find something that provides some sort of security we can hold on to. All we can really hold onto is the moment we are experiencing. The present moment…this moment…now…is all that is certain. The past has passed. The future is a possibility. Yet, it is only in this moment we can determine our reality and behavior. It is human nature to reach for something that we believe we can control.  We reach for something within ourselves that no one else can take away.  We make a decision that no matter what life dishes up, we are going to be happy.  We discover our H-Factor.  We also have the revelation that our happiness has always been and will always be under our express control.  Happiness is, after all, a simple choice.  Happiness really doesn’t have much to do with external circumstances.  Happiness is an internal state of being.

To learn more about H-Factor, visit www.whatisyourhappiness.com .

How long of a tether do you keep on your kids? The struggle for authority is an age-old dilemma. Who chooses? How much authority should we give our kids? Freedom is something we all need, yet how do we structure our lives so that we get what we need and our children have the appropriate setting in which to make their own choices, learn and grow?
As long as our kids are at home with us, there is a safety net beneath them. Certainly we want the most for our children. We want them to surpass our goals and achieve ones of their own. So we want them to grow. We want them to face challenges. As parents, where do we begin? How do we know what is appropriate, and how do we know exactly what our kids need to do to learn responsibility? This is a nagging question, and although there is no easy way through the parenting process, there are certain basic things we can do to help our kids become responsible adults.

Here are 5 basic strategies to help kids learn the basics:

1. Help kids develop knowledge of themselves and appreciation of their individuality. We must give our kids the freedom to choose which activities and interests they wish to explore. It is our job to facilitate their discovery of their individual and very personal interests by listening to who they are and what they tell us. This means we do not impose our interests and ideas upon them. After offering to them various different opportunities, we accept and support their choices without judgment.

2. Help kids take ownership of their choices. We need to look at every experience our kids have as an opportunity to cultivate self-understanding. This means that when our kids make choices for themselves, they learn to evaluate the consequences without judgment from us. This gives them time to figure out certain life lessons for themselves within the parameter of a safe setting. This is far more impactful that mere rhetoric from us. We are here to listen and offer support during this process. It is a tremendously valuable experience to let our kids make reasonable choices cradled within the opportunity to start over when things don’t turn out as anticipated.

3. Help kids learn how to manage their time. As parents, we help our kids to do this by setting forth our expectations of their responsibilities for the day (homework, athletic or music practice, chores etc.) and then allowing them to accomplish their duties independently, of course with a gentle reminder or two along the way. There should be reasonable consequences in place for failure to accomplish general expectations.

4. Help kids to accept their feelings without judgment. This starts with our ability to accept our own feelings without judgment. Our kids observe how we accept, experience and appropriately express our feelings. This gives them the standard for accepting and expressing their own feelings. Then, we must give our kids the space to appropriately feel their feelings without judgment. This gives our kids the beautiful knowledge about how to take responsibility for their own feelings when they are in a safe space to do so.

5. Help our kids to set their goals for the day, weeks or months ahead. We must set aside some time to listen to what our kids are hoping to experience in the days, week and months ahead. This gives us the opportunity to discuss what might be possible for our child to accomplish and experience with our help and support. This helps our kids learn how to take charge of their life by actively pursuing their developing interests by making them become a reality.

Setting forth strict and uncompassionate guidelines deprives our kids of their ultimate authority in the long run. Conversely, setting forth no guidelines whatsoever undermines the development of a child’s sense of authority and mastery over their life.
Let kids see the results of their own choices. Let them hear the impact of their own words. They must be able to experiment with the world before them.

Part 2 of this article coming soon! In the meantime, for more information about conscious parenting, or for more information about Susan A. Haid and Lily’s Truth, visit www.lilystruth.com.

by Shannon Penrod

I hate sensationalist news ads.  When did things get so bad that we have to titillate viewers into watching the news? (Pun intended)  My husband and I were watching a program we had DVRed the other night and inadvertently I hit play before the promos were over. Yes, my husband and I have a progressive marriage and occasionally I do get to hold the remote. 

A newscaster looked into the camera and said “Selma Hayek visits a third world country and is caught breastfeeding.  The shocking news?  The baby is not hers!”  At this point they showed video of Selma Hayek sitting in a hut with a small infant at her breast.  All you could see was the back of the child’s head, but it was clear the child was breast feeding. The reporter then encouraged us to tune in at 11 for the rest of the shocking story.  I was so mad, I literally had to get up and run around my living room.

Why is it shocking that she fed a baby that was hungry?  Has the modern male newscaster never heard of wet nurses?  Everyone knows that breast milk is the healthiest thing you can give an infant. People buy breast milk on EBay for that very reason!  The breast is an amazing thing, how miraculous that it can provide nourishment to a baby. Do we really need to cheapen breast feeding by acting like it’s a federal offense?  God bless Selma Hayek for walking by a hungry child and saying I have time to give you something that is better for you than anything you can manufacture in pharmaceutical lab.  I don’t find that shocking, I think it is beautiful.  Go Selma!

To news media who sensationalized it I say – Grow up and stop acting like a bunch of twelve year old boys who have just discovered the pictures in the National Geographic are topless!

by Sandra Beck

I would like to offer my prayers and ask that those of you who read this blog and work for Motherhood Incorporated offer yours as well to my hometown of Clarence, NY that is currently traumatized by this terrible accident.  Friends and families are suffering as we all watch and hear about the mother and daughter in the home who survived while her husband and almost 50 others did not.  

As a global community of mothers we can all only imagine the horror she must be feeling and of those who have lost loved ones – along with the frightening randomness at which this plane crash took her home.  I simply ask that you take a moment and send some healing and comforting energy to this small rural community of families to ease their suffering.  Take a moment today to appreciate your husbands, your children, your family and friends, and your home.  Your life may not be perfect, as many of us our suffering these days, but we are still here, we are still living and we are still surviving.

Motherhood Incorporated would like to offer our deepest sympathies and heartfelt condolences for those affected by this tragedy.

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers as they truly do make a difference.

by Susan Haid

If you are anything like me, then you want your children to be able to tell the difference between the people they can trust and the people they can’t. Not only are these skills important for kids to learn during childhood, but these are vitally important skills they will carry into adulthood. There aren’t any common conventional ways to teach this important concept to kids, but I can give you some simple techniques that can help.
The single most important thing we can teach our children is to trust their perceptions, feelings and instincts. This means we should validate what our children see and feel, reflecting back to them that their perceptions are accurate. These natural protective mechanisms are so quickly and easily shut down in young children. Kids are often taught to override their natural instincts and hide their reactions in lieu of behaving in a manner that is considered polite, acceptable or appropriate.
We all have been culturally conditioned not to trust what we see and feel at the most fundamental level. We must admit that this has not served our best interests. This deficiency surely is not one we want to foster in our children, yet this conditioning has become akin to a virus…everyone does it. It should be perfectly acceptable for children to express what they see, what they think, and what they feel merely to have the important experience of having their viewpoint and feelings validated. We can help them learn to trust themselves. We can also teach our kids how to express themselves in a respectful yet honest way. If our children can trust themselves implicitly, then they will be able to take care of themselves perfectly well in almost any situation.
We must ensure that our kids have the opportunity to live as freely as possible, trusting their innate ability to know and to choose what is right for them. If we do, we will be proud to watch our children make choices that serve them well.
For more information about Techniques for Building Trust in Our Children, contact www.lilystruth.com.

by Susan Haid, Lily’s Truth

Little Boat

Failure. Stress. Chaos. Confusion. Doubt. These are words that describe life for most of us today. The changes that lie ahead for all of us demand tremendous courage. We are amidst a struggle that never seems to end. Chaos has become a regular part of our existence. We want to know how it will all end. We want to run away to a desert island, away from it all. We want to hear the waves lap upon the shore, feel the breeze on our skin, and spend a few days or weeks with nothing to do or nothing to think about. We simply want it all to go away. Moreover, we wish we could run away from it all.

So, hop aboard your little boat and head out to sea. Your little tin boat has a tiny outboard motor. You are alone and your resources are simple by choice. You are going to a desert island far out in the middle of the ocean. As you pull your little tin boat up onto the sandy beach, you look up at the tropical forest that lines the beach. You can hear the birds singing. Off somewhere in the forest you think you hear the beating of drums, and you cut into the forest to follow the sound. As you work your way deeper and deeper into the forest, there is no path to follow. You push through hanging vines, step over fallen trees, wipe the sweat from your brow, and forage your own trail. You don’t really know what lies ahead, but you push forward. You are hot, tired and hungry. The forest canopy is thick but the blue sky is hanging in the backdrop as you look overhead. There does not appear to be any end in sight. You, quite literally, cannot see the forest through the trees. You find yourself deep in the middle of nowhere. There is no path to follow and no indication of which way to go. You call out but there is no answer. You cry out to God but there is no answer. There is no way out. You are lost. You are alone.

After awhile, you notice that a little bird is singing over your shoulder. So, you wipe the tears from your eyes and you sit and listen to the little bird. For a minute, you forget that you are alone, and you feel just the tiniest bit of happiness. You stand up and brush yourself off. You look down at your palms which are dirty and empty. You look around and you decide to choose the direction that follows a small creek. You walk for a very long time along this little creek. By now, your feet are blistered and sore. You take off your shoes and soak your feet in the cool stream. You wash your dirty hands. This small act is refreshing, almost healing. You wash your face and let the cool water drip down over your shoulders and arms. And, you give thanks for the little stream that has eased your journey. You lie in the stream pondering what you are going to do. You are still lost. You are still alone. And you just don’t know what to do. You think about following your markings back to where you started. This is an option. You could go back. You could go back to your little boat and go home. And so you decide that this is safer. This ending has a guarantee. The guarantee is your little tin boat that awaits you on the beach. You follow your cuttings and markings all the way back to your boat. It was just that while you were lost in the forest, you forgot that you could always go back.

Once you are back in your little boat, on your way back home, you both laugh and cry because you gave yourself quite a scare. You convinced yourself that you were lost and alone.

Now you are back at home once again. You gaze out over the ocean wistfully remembering your adventure. But you are happy to leave it behind. You want to fall into the comfort and security of home. You want to be free from the stress and worry of fighting for survival. What you want is to live a life of comfort, freedom, peace and security.

There’s nothing like an exciting adventure if we know that when the journey is over we can return to the comfort and safety of home. The adventures we take remind us that we are alive…that we are living and breathing through a very exciting time. We do it because we are adventurers. We love the adventure and the excitement. But more than anything, we love the discovery.

Once we have had our respite from the long and harrowing journey, not too much time passes before we are planning our next adventure. We can’t help ourselves. The adventures are fun, and deep inside we know there is more. We get so caught up in our adventures that we completely forget who we are or where we come from. The adventures seem so real that we forget that we can get out any time we want. We also forget that we can remain in the adventure with detachment, not getting so deeply immersed in the experience that we get lost in it, so lost in our forgetting that we can’t get out.

When this happens, pull yourself back into your life as an observer almost like a tourist on an adventure in an unknown land. Can you live your life with some detachment? Can you look at your life as an adventure? It’s OK not to get so serious about your life that you don’t get lost in it and lost in despair. This gives you a little bit of a buffer between yourself and the life you are experiencing.

This is not insulating yourself from your life or denying your life. This is simply finding your presence within your life. This presence has nothing to do with your experience but everything to do with who you are as a grand being. You are you. You have experiences. But you are not your life experiences. Your experiences are experiences, and you are you.

Give yourself the gift of this sacred space that is beyond your life experience. You are here in this world on an adventure. At times, the adventure is frightening, challenging, and sorrowful. At other times, the adventure is exciting, joyful and fulfilling. The adventure has a beginning and an end, but you do not. You are eternal.

It is possible in this world of challenge and stress, during the crumbling of the world around us, to maintain our balance by remembering that we can rise above these experiences by not getting lost in them. We must remember who we are. We are here to experience the adventure but not to get lost in the adventure.

We are here to see what we will see and know what we will know. But if we get lost and we can’t see our way out, it is because we have let ourselves believe that it is possible to get lost in the first place. Remember you are here for the journey but you are not the journey.

When we find ourselves getting so heavy with life, and it seems too hard, too painful, and so tough that we just can’t go on anymore, that is the time when we need to step back from life. That is when we have taken it all too seriously, so seriously that we have gotten lost and can’t find our way out.

Oh, but then again, we can find our way out. This is the time when we remind ourselves that we are taking a step back, a good, healthy step back, way, way back. We are pulling back so that we can rebalance, get clear and take a breather. From this new vantage point, we can let things be for a while. We can take a minute and remember who we are. Then when we are ready, we can take that bold step forward into life once again, this time refreshed and renewed. We can begin again.

We still may not know the answers, and we may not know where we’re headed. But when we’re refreshed and renewed, the answers and the direction unfold naturally and easily. We make life too hard. We struggle way too much. We stress, we fret, we fear, we dread. It’s only natural. It’s only human. Just remember not to get lost, and you’ll be OK. We all will.

Once you’ve been able to take that step back and you have separated yourself from your experience, you realize that you can go on, that you do have it in you. You have reconnected with the part of you that is unlimited, you see. You might even find that you want to go on and that you have something to live for.

After all, what is yet to come is an exciting prospect. The future just may hold something we don’t want to give up on or miss out on. We might even find some important answers or revolutionary discoveries along the way. What are they? Well, we’ll all have to wait and see.

For more helpful information about living peacefully and joyfully, visit www.lilystruth.com.

Today we reached a milestone at Motherhood Incorporated. We hit 100 fully active members on our social network.  If you havent visited it yet you should (www.motherhoodincorporated.ning.com)When this started last year, we were just 6 strong with a belief that together, moms who work from home can support, honor and help each other. That is true and along the way we made new friends, forged stronger boudaries and work ethic and shared memories and experiences that made us all richer because of it. Congratulations Motherhood Incorporated. You are a powerful force and only getting stronger!

This came to me in an email, author unknown. Fitting there is not picture but as mom’s we can all relate…

The Invisible Mom

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I’m on the phone and ask to be taken to the store.

Inside I’m thinking, ‘Can’t you see I’m on the phone?’ Obviously not; no one can see if I’m on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.

I’m invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this? Some days I’m not a pair of hands; I’m not even a human being. I’m a clock to ask, ‘What time is it?’ I’m a satellite guide to answer, ‘What number is the Disney Channel?’ I’m a car to order, ‘Right around 5:30, please.’

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude – but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She’s going, she’s going, she’s gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England .. Gloria had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, ‘I brought you this.’ It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe .

I wasn’t exactly sure why she’d given it to me until I read her inscription: ‘To Susan, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.’

In the days ahead I would read – no, devour – the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals we have no record of their names.

These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, ‘Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.’ And the workman replied, ‘Because God sees.’

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, ‘I see you, Susan. I see the sacrifices you make everyday, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you’ve done, no sequin you’ve sewn on, no cupcake you’ve baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can’t see right now what it will become.’

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on.

The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don’t want my child to tell the friend he’s bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, ‘My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.’ That would mean I’d built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, ‘You’re gonna love it there.’

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we’re doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

I’m reading all this inspirational, self-affirming material of late and then out of left field comes this one……

The other morning, I am in the car with my boy and carpooling two other kids.   The boys are singing Kung Foo Fighting and I join in.  My son’s face starts to contort into an embrarassed NOT cool shape!  I can remember that not cool feeling.  I told them that the songs they are singing lately and learning on their Guitar Hero, were really songs from when I was young.  I told them that the Pat Benatar song Hit Me With Your Best Shot was number one when I was 16.  Suddenly the little girl asks “How old are you, Dahna?”.  After saying I’m 42, my protective son, (his name Liam actually means that!), pipes up: “Yeah.  She colors her hair”.  I laugh out loud and mention that my folks both became gray quite young and that there is a strong genetic influence on such matters.  So for a split second I thought my rationalization had worked.  And then comes the sledgehammer- “Yeah, but you can tell by the wrinkles anyhow”!

When I walked into the house and looked in the mirror I began: “Wrinkles are beautiful”!  by Dahna Weber

All my life I heard these beautiful stories from mothers about the birth of their children.  They usually go something like this, “The day my child was born was the best, most beautiful day of my life.  My heart just opened up with love.  I was in heaven.  I never knew love like this before…”  You get the idea.

So fast-forward to the birth of my own daughter Siena.  Everything was going smoothly – as smoothly as it can go with no painkillers, no drugs, and no sleep – until a few minutes before she was going to be pushed out of my womb.  And then it hit me.  Oh my god, there is no going back. Yes, intellectually I had realized this.  I knew that a real, live baby was coming for the last 9 months, but at a core, visceral level, I did not truly know what this meant until just a few minutes before she was born.  And I was scared to death.  What had I done?  My life will no longer be my own.  How am I going to take care of this small baby?  I was totally and utterly overwhelmed and helpless to stop this process from completing.  This baby was coming.  My body was working to get this baby out, even as my mind and emotions were desperately trying to press rewind.  Thank god bodies know what to do even when we don’t.

I’d like to be able to say that the moment Siena was born and placed in my arms, the world stopped, the gates of heaven opened and this love just poured out of me, making it the most beautiful day of my life.  But that’s not what happened.  Love was there and a fierce protectiveness, but there was also this feeling that I was meeting a stranger.  Who is this being that came out of my body? The fear was still there too, but thankfully, my instincts kicked into gear and I knew what to do.   Over the next days, weeks, months, my love for this little baby grew more and more intense and I can now say that I never knew love like this before.  But it took time.

Now I know that my experience is okay – not just okay, but fairly common.  It’s just not talked about as much.  It’s a dark truth that’s not as glamorous and beautiful as those other birth stories.  Still, I think it’s important that these stories get shared.  They are part of the spectrum of mothers’ experiences and as we mothers share our truth, they give space for other mothers to accept the full range of their emotions and experiences – the good, the bad and the ugly.

By Anita Michelson

I have just returned from a wonderful trip to California where I visited my daughter, sister and two year old niece, Siena. It’s been a while since I have spent time with a child this young. I loved every moment of it. Basically, we spent two weeks on baby time, which is perfect for me. It means living in the now, in the present moment. I got right down on the floor with her and played pretend house and school and whatever else she wanted to play in each moment.

I found myself singing, dancing, and laughing often. We sang in the car, we sang in the street. California is big on farmer’s markets. We visited an amazing market in one of the suberbs of San Jose. I believe they call it, downtown Campbell. There was what looked like a homeless man playing the guitar. He was singing a Greatful Dead song. One that my sister, Anita and I loved. So we started dancing and singing the words to the song at the tops of our lungs. Anita was holding Siena in her arms. Siena was obviously enjoying all of this. Suddenly, my sister and I found ourselves looking at each other. We started to laugh, the words of the song became very inappropriate for a two year old. But what to do? We just continued to sing along as if nothing was wrong.

By Deb Gillespie

I can remember being a little girl….and sometimes waking up and finding my dad sitting on my bed stroking my hair.  I remember being filled with so much comfort, security and love at those moments.  Now, each night my precious boy is with me, I always stroke his hair and kiss him before I go to sleep.  I am amazed at how much love fills me; at how much I can love this person.  It’s bursting.

And then tonight.  He had his buddy sleep over for the night.  Something I believe he likes to do more than most children due to the fact he is an only child.  I try to make that happen for him as much as I can.  In order to calm them, I lied between the two of them and read to them.  As I was reading Liam said, read it with a funny accent.  And so in a mix of Cockney and London snobberish lilts, I continued.  They loved it.  So I continued on in this manner.  After a bit, I noticed that my son had started to stroke my hair.  He has never done this before.  Still somehow I knew he was doing it to show his appreciation and comfort at having me near him, and being his mom. 

I am filled with joy, love and appreciation.  And of course have tears streaming down my cheeks. I definitely did something right.  So did my dad. 

by Dahna Weber