Motherhood Incorporated

By Sandra Beck

I grow mutant babies. They need less sleep that I do. It’s well known that lack of sleep will damage your physical and mental health. I merrily skip off to the supermarket, leaving my car door wide open. I put my tea bags in the fridge and my milk in the cupboard. I occasionally wear my clothes inside out. Even my own family has said my children have freakishly large stomachs regarding the amount of food the injest and still stay skinny. Part of the problem is both boys never stop moving until they pass out.

My brain is just so much fuller now. Obviously the bit of my brain that was meant to be picking out co-ordinating clothes, is otherwise engaged remembering that today is backward’s dress day at my son’s school.

Sometimes I feel guilty. Can this crumpled wild-eyed person fill the shoes of the ‘old’ me? The ‘old’ me was sharp and slim with a challenging mind. It was her (smug little so-and-so) that ran my current business.

I’ve discovered various strategies to work through the fog and the tiredness. I’ve become very organized. I even email myself reminders from home to work. Secondly, I power nap if I can. If an after lunch snooze is good enough for Winston Churchill, my life can spare me for fifteen minutes. Thirdly, I have the benefit of experience and seniority on my side. I can use “Mmmm-hmmm” where before I’d do 10 sides of closely written analysis. I can mentor younger colleagues, and in turn leave some of the number crunching detail for them to work out.

Without wishing to betray the sisterhood, I have to admit that the three months either side of each birth, I have felt drugged by my hormones. My family and friends remind me of things around that time that I absolutely don’t remember. Each person has to find their own way – but my approach is to go easy on myself during this time. I’ve had faith that “I’ll be back”.

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By Shannon Penrod

The other night I dreamt I was having lunch with Oprah and some of her friends and family. For me this isn’t all that unusual, two nights ago I dreamt that I borrowed Ellen DeGeneres’ nanny, and as far as I know she and Portia have no children, so go figure!  What was interesting in the dream with Oprah is that I was passionately telling her and everyone that would listen that they needed to rent and watch the movie Australia starring Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman.

Since the dream, renting the movie keeps coming up in conversation with friends and family as well as total strangers in the check out line.  Apparently I am a lot more passionate on the subject than anyone, including me, even knew.  (Look, when you dream about telling Oprah something, you’re pretty invested in it)

So, here’s the deal, I think EVERYONE needs to rent this movie and make the time to watch it.  I know, the critics panned it.  That’s one of the reasons why you need to see it and make up your own mind.  They were wrong.  This isn’t just a good movie, it’s a great movie.  It is the kind of movie that you see and never forget.  I don’t want to overstate anything, but it’s the kind of movie that has the power to change your life.

And before I wax really poetic about it you need to know that I am neither a Nicole Kidman nor a Baz Luhrmann fan.  She’s okay, but she’s really thin and she gets on my nerves and while I love Luhrmann’s visual sense of things, I usually feel like it takes precedence over the telling of the story.  This is not the case in Australia!  First and foremost this is some great story telling, with amazing visuals that serve the story while taking your breath away.  Kidman is fabulous, yes, I said it, and I meant it.  And honestly I could look at Hugh Jackman all day!

I had an expectation when I sat down in the movie theatre. I had heard the word epic – I assumed it was in reference to visuals, I was wrong.  This film is EPIC, in the tradition of old style film making.  The story is huge, the setting is huge, and the stakes are huge.  Nothing is packaged in a nice little 90 minute template.  The film takes you on a journey that is surprising in its scope.  I had an expectation that I was going to see a film that was largely a love story between a man and a woman.  That was delivered beautifully.  What I didn’t expect were the deeper themes of what it truly means to be a mother, what it means to live by your ideals in a world that cannot support them, what it means to humble yourself to trust in something greater than yourself by letting your children go.

I don’t want to spoil anything but what I can tell you is that I left the theatre someone different than I walked in.  In my opinion that is what a great film can and should do.  There were at least two moments in the movie that I have not been able to stop thinking about.  Moments that have spurred me to have more personal courage, to get off my comfortable polyester clad ass and stand up for what I believe; moments that have inspired me to be a better person. And it was a ripping good yarn!

Don’t listen to the critics, they’re a cynical bunch of movie dorks who have been in dark rooms with stale popcorn for too long.  Australia is worth seeing. It is important to let Hollywood and the world wide film making industry know that these kinds of movies have their place.  If you listen to the critics you will not only miss out on a great film you will send a message that will ensure these types of films are never made again.  Rent it and watch it with fresh eyes.  You won’t be disappointed!

By Sandra Beck

Your co-workers

They say: “Oh my! Three children – you must have your hands full”

I hear: Have you never heard of family planning?

They say: “We appreciate you have family commitments”

I hear; “YOUR family. Not MY family. Don’t make them MY problem”

They say: “I’m sorry to hear you’ve been unwell”

I hear: “Aye carumba – sit down woman. I don’t want you to deliver your baby right here”

They say: “And how is little Max?”

I hear: “Give that child some vitamins, for Pete’s sake. That’s the third virus this month”.

They say: “Please come to our party

I hear: “… and it’d be great if you could slip your son a sedative beforehand. Our parrot still hasn’t recovered from last time”

Your friends

They say: “How do you manage?”

I hear: “I’d love to hear that you’ve fishies in your sink. It’ll make me feel better about myself”.

They say: “You seem to have a good work-life balance”

I hear:  “Of course, you’re just lucky your office is a soft touch. It’d never work in MY job”

They say: “It’s no trouble to pick up Johhny from school”

I hear: “Do I look like a creche?”

They say: “We’ve had endless trouble with headlice”

I hear: “… and I can’t help but noticed your son ITCHING”

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By Sandra Beck

“You’re a waste”. That’s was my friend’s mothers reaction to her decision to stay at home with her baby. “I don’t know why you even bothered with university”.

In my circle of friends, decisions about how to raise kids are inextricably woven with the politics of women’s liberation. I hesitate to generalize – but there is a very strong generational divide in attitudes.

There are the pioneers, who remember when women’s higher education wasn’t a given thing. However, most of these ladies didn’t work while raising their kids. Working practices and society’s attitudes hadn’t caught up. They’ve felt regretful about it ever since, projecting their attitude onto their daughters.

Accordingly, their daughters have children later and go back to work earlier. They aim to make the least concessions to maternity that they can. They are shocked and dismayed at how hard it can be – and how unequal the sacrifices are in their partnership.

The sufferings of the daughters breed the reactionary born-again 50s housewives. They buy floral print aprons without a hint of irony. They abandon their jobs – replacing corporate superwoman with an even more ambitious and perfectionist hausfrau incarnation. They earnestly re-manualize their lives – from baking their own bread to washable nappies.

There are real people in my life who are described by these sketches. The reason why the caricatures seem crude and almost grotesque is that there is a guilt driver behind the decisions. The concerns and preferences of the human beings involved get swallowed up in a play for an unseen audience, who are felt to be judging the decisions made, judging if the woman deserves her advantages.

My view? Education is freedom – and women will never be free without education. In any case, the strongest indicating factor in the level of educational attainment of the children is the educational achievement of the mother.

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By Sandra Beck

My nanny lets the children eat in front of the TV. I don’ t. In the early days it caused countless rows. My nanny would babysit a few hours – and I’d return to my daughter sitting in front of cartoons with her dummy and a lap tray of snacks. “It’s not even that I begrudge her the junk food.” I’d say, exasperated “But she doesn’t stop nagging me for TV and cookies for two days afterwards”.  It was infuriating to see my precious, carefully constructed edifice of healthy parenting being cheerfully dismantled.

It’s a version of a fault-line that threatens to undermine many otherwise good childcare arrangements. At its heart is a very revealing question: are you looking for a carbon-copy of you to care for your child?

My argument was that toddlers in particular thrive on consistency. They like to be able to understand the rules of their world. It’s unfair for behavior to get a laugh in some circumstances and get punished in other circumstances.

On the other hand,  I think that the variety of personalities and approaches that my daughter has been exposed to balances her experience.  I was a bit shocked when one of the nursery-workers put nail varnish on my friend’s 3 year old daughter. However, objectively, I can see that her daughters yearning for pink and frilly far exceeds her mother’s ‘girliness’. A little bit of something sparkly on her nails helps her bond with her caregivers, and gives her some new input into her developing sense of individuality.

Here more than anywhere, it’s crucial to pick your battles. Car seats, holding hands across the roads, choking hazards – I repeat my messages emphatically again and again. However, this needs to be balanced with – frankly – not becoming a control freak. The childcare you choose is presumably competent, well intentioned and loving. Following too many of your rules ‘to the letter’ might actually thwart them in expressing their innate initiative and sparkle.

As my sons get older it has got easier with the grandparents, babysitters and nannies. “But Muuuum, Nana lets me” gets cut off with a brusuqe “Nana rules, darling. Now it’s Mummy rules”. I’ve become more secure that it’s my approach that sets the foundations for her. I’ve now mellowed to see that an afternoon eating chocolate sauce from the jar in front of cartoons is simply a holiday.

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Tags: Working Mothers, Sandra Beck, Motherhood Incorporated, www.sandrabeck.com, www.motherhoodincorporated.com, juggling working motherhood, working mom, working mother, busy mom, caregiver expectations, mom’s rules, mom and grandma fight over kids rules

By Sandra Beck

I have a guilty secret. My coffee machine cost more than my buggy, pram or stroller – depending on your country of origin. In fact, probably more than the combined cost of all my shoes.

My dad bought  it for me for Valentine’s day. The week before our old bargainous but labor intensive espresso machine brewed its last. Three espressos in quick succession after a dinner party were just too much for its weedy little pump.

Shortly after, I unscrewed the dusty jar of instant – something desperate in my face. The pitiful sight of me pushing aside the instant and pouring boiling water onto ground coffee. “It’s not too bad” I mumbled “So long as you keep your lips pursed to stop too much crunchiness getting through”. Then I went upstairs and lay face down on the bed, with my toddler batting an old shoe on the floor beside me.

My dad squared up to his duties as a provider – and went out to provide me with the biggest most automatic coffee monster he could get. I press a button – and out pours espresso. No unnecessary hot water to handle, no cleaning between use.

I rationalize it on an hourly rate basis – it’s much quicker to use than the other machine. Just because it is me at home, doesn’t mean my time isn’t valuable.

I don’t really know what it is about coffee and me. It in equal measure powers me through the sleep deprivation of parenting, and gives me back the manic sparkle that I associate with the ‘real’ me. The role it plays in my life is to punctuate my days with pleasant uplifting little interludes. It’s an indulgence, for sure. However, I suspect its a justified indulgence. You can’t put a price on Mom keeping her sense of humor.

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By Sandra Beck

Going back to work does not need to mean the end of breast-feeding your baby. The health benefits continue well past the first year, and the World Health Organization recommends exclusive breast-feeding for the first six months.

There are two options, depending on the age of your baby, your working pattern and your own milk supply. Some mothers can keep up a good milk supply simply feeding their baby when they are with them. This method works best for older babies, who can eat solids during the daytime. Co-sleeping and night feeds will help keep the milk supply stimulated.

Alternatively you can express at work, using your hands or using a pump. Challenges you may face include lack of break time and inadequate facilities for pumping and storing human milk.

You can reasonably expect to be provided with a sanitary private room to pump (i.e. not the toilet). You might find it helpful to have a picture of your baby with you. There are some very portable and quiet pumps available now (e.g. the Avent Isis) range, which have breast milk storage accessories. Breast-milk should generally be refrigerated, but you will find its natural antibacterial propertied keep it fresher than normal milk, even un-chilled. It’s up to you whether you put a big ‘Boob Juice’ sticker on the bottle in the fridge, or just wrap it discreetly in an opaque bag.

It is always a good idea to try to find out your employers policies on the matter. It will help you take up any support that is offered – or perhaps suggest improvements that will benefit other mothers.

Several states have passed or are considering legislation mandating that employers make available appropriate space and sufficient time for mothers to breast-feed or express milk in the workplace. Other states’ legislation does not include mandates but offers tax incentives to companies with strong breast-feeding support.

If you work from home, breastfeeding isn’t an issue, and while we support the woman’s individual right to choose what is best for her and her family, we wanted to provide this article for those who do choose to pump at work.  Here is a link to a great site with lots of helpful information.

La Leche League website http://www.llli.org/

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Kathy Ireland’s latest offering Real Solutions for Busy Moms. It comes out next month.  The title really excited me – I am a busy mom who is always looking for solutions.  I was surprised because I expected by the title for Kathy to provide me with how to get everything done in less time.  This didn’t read like solutions, more than it read like instructions. I also really like her products – yes I own a few of her lamps – and from what I see of her on TV, this book just didn’t read like she sounds.

What this book should have been called is My Way to a Happy, Healthy Life by Kathy Ireland.   The book covers really-expansive topics such as living the life of your dreams, taking powerful control of your finances and even explores what is happiness, child rearing,  along with the role of faith in your life. Any one of these chapters could be its own book.

The book opens with dire statistics about overspending and the illusion of wealth. She then explores the reasons behind it and offers real solutions to issues facing many today, but it was a pretty heavy read for my overworked mommy mind – and a lot to think about in a finite period of time. Her money solution checklist is short but covers some pretty tough topics – establishing a trust fund or living will along with the right attitude about money. It’s a lot of ground to cover and it left me feeling a bit overwhelmed.

The second chapter explores happiness – again another huge topic to tackle in one chapter. In this chapter I felt more like the author was sharing with me, rather than the first chapter that was more instructional. Here again, a lot of ground covered and I was tickled to read to control your spending in the first chapter and ideas about home, decorating and beautiful bed linen spending in the second.

She continues to try to cover a lot of topics from healthy eating on the go to child vehicle and water safety.  There is a lot in this book. There are a lot of great ideas, but there is just so much other stuff that great ideas get lost.   At times it reads like a manual “Crash forces can cause internal organs to shift leading to significant injuries.” and maybe she should have quoted her ER  Doc Husband.  Other times it read like a mini Suze Orman or Susan Jeffer’s book.  I left reading this book with a feeling of “Phew!” that was a lot of information. I didn’t feel it held up as a reference manual, and it didn’t feel authentic at times. What I really enjoyed was Kathy’s stories and her experiences – not the dry instruction part that often sounded stilted and cold.

I found it an agressive attempt to give a lot of information in one sitting, but for busy mom’s on the go I have to give it a pass because it was a lot of good, but random information loosly hung on a short chapter list- long chapter page framework. I would have rather lots of short chapters that I could read in between feedings, picking up the kids, and on my lunch hour that I could reference back to as the situation applies.

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by Shannon Penrod

Isn’t being a Mom great? Yesterday I went to three stores trying to locate a St. Patrick ’s Day wand for my son. The letter of the week is W, he has to share something starting with W and on Saturday he informed me it had to be a leprechaun wand. Okay, I’m on the job. Only no one had any St. Paddy’s day wands – So I decided to make one! Yes, this is how I get my Super Mom Cape caught in the fan. But I cobbled up a wand. And I bought a bunch of sticky foam shamrocks. Then I soaked a bunch of coins in vinegar to make them shine. I stuck coins to the back of the shamrocks. This is when my husband walked by and asked what I was doing, I told him my plan and he emptied his pockets of change.

Fast forward to 5am this morning when I crawled out of my warm bed to do work that I wasn’t able to do yesterday while I was making wands. I did some work, sprinkled the shamrocks in a pattern on the floor and started making special green biscuits for my son to take to school. It’s not even 7 am, but I’m well into my work day.

At 7:15 I instruct my husband to stand by the front door and make a ruckus. I tell him to make sure to slam the door shut when he sees our son coming. I run into the bedroom screaming to my son that there is a leprechaun loose in the house. He is groggy, but quickly wakes up and comes running into the living room. “Get him!” I yell pointing to the door. My son runs towards the door, my husband slams the door on cue and says, “Oh, no he got away!”

I point out to my son that the leprechaun has dropped some stuff. He has a blast picking up the shamrocks and identifying the money that is underneath. We all sit at the table to count the money and my son is thrilled. He says, “I found a pot of gold!” and then he looks adoringly up at my husband and says, “Thank you Daddy.” – Wait a minute – Thank you Daddy? Excuse me? Then my son starts munching on a green biscuit and tells me to go to the store and get him some bubble water.

Needless to say everything stopped and we had a pleasant conversation about why Mommy does nice things for you and how to show appropriate gratitude! Still, Daddy leaves for work – a long day that will not bring him home until after my son’s bedtime and I am left with putting green sparkly accessories on a boy who is already missing “Daddy the Wonderful”. Don’t get me wrong, Daddy is wonderful – but Hello! Mommy is a super hero! Okay her cape is usually caught in the fan, but come on! Where are the cheers? Where is the love? Where is the marching band? I guess I did my job so well that I preserved my anonymous super hero status for another day. To all the moms out there who stayed up late washing green clothes or woke up early to make green food – Happy St. Patrick’s Day – with a side order of resentment!

by Shannon Penrod

Like everyone else my family is trying to “making it work” in an economy that doesn’t make sense and simply isn’t working.  We’ve tried to apply the Suze Orman rule of “Do we need this or do we want it?” to every purchase.  Sometimes it’s not black and white.  This last week there was Little League to sign up for.  My son is 5; this is the first season he can play.  At $225 to register and about another $75 worth of equipment to get him ready for the first game – I was having chest pain.  I certainly can make the argument that Little League is not necessary – or is it? 

My little guy is recovering from Autism.  Baseball is social, it requires standing in the sun (something my vitamin B deficient son requires) it teaches lessons of flexibility, team work and sportsmanship.  Yes, he could wait and play next year, but next year he won’t have the opportunity to play T-ball, the kids will already have skills and he won’t be in “the window” anymore. 

 ”The Window” is the all important time when children with autism are capable of making strides that cannot be matched later.  Trust me the window is a powerful argument, one that has carried our family right to the doorstep of bankruptcy. 

So we paid for Little League, and I agreed to do some work that would take away some of my private time.  It’s called making it work. Ultimately, it was worth it.  We are only a week into baseball and clearly my son has found a new love.  I’m yawning but what are a few yawns when you are in the window?

By Sandra Beck

At my friend’s office party, I looked around and felt a bit sheepish. Did these other smart young men with bored looking blondes on their arm go home to a sinkful of washing up? Perhaps I don’t give my friend enough sympathy when a last minute meeting means he can’t do the nursery pick up,

Most ‘motherhood’ decisions are family decisions – since they encroach on the commonwealth which is the children. For successful working motherhood, adjustments have to be made by all members of the family. There is always the risk of the old cliche: the woman coming home from work to do another full days work in the home.

Of course the exact balance varies from couple to couple. It will depend a lot on what the balance of the partnership was before children. Most men have grown out of feeling demeaned if their wife has to earn money. I do have to admit that some of my friend’s husbands have always had an undercurrent of caveman pride at being the breadwinner when needed.

My unmarried – surprise surprise friends are very sympathetic “You work your wotsits off while she’s swanning about having babies, not even going back to work full time”. I laughed hollowly and said “Who’s supporting who?”  

Whichever way your family’s needs lie – the crucial thing is to keep communication going.  I’ve actually found it easier to keep talking to my friends now that I’m back at work – even though I work from home. I’m more pre-occupied in the evenings, but I do email and call in the day,  Every month or so we’ll have a delightful child-free ‘business lunch’,

I find myself irrationally resentful if he is late or unavailable. “My boss hadn’t left yet” he’ll say, or “I’m busy”. “How do you think I feel?” I rail against him “It is always assumed that it is easy for me to brazen out the early departures, and the ‘working from home’”.

Looking around the room at the party, I realized that my friends do make a lot of effort to play their part fully. Whatever the theoretical rights and wrongs – the office culture is macho. I think it shows guts to stand up to it and win the fight.

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by Susan Haid

Raising children to become conscientious, empowered, responsible and joyful adults who are in complete charge of their lives is what we strive for as parents. If you could give your kids the skills and the tools to do this, it is something you would do in without a second thought. I am going to be direct and to the point here. There is a course available to you now that can give you the resources to build core values in your children at home. You see, I began putting this information together over a decade ago when my first child was born. I wanted something different for my kids…something that would cut through the confusion and give them the knowledge to move through life with self-confidence, authority, faith and keen, razor-sharp clarity.
The nuts and bolts skills I offer came as a result of my own life experience. Although I am an educated woman, I believe that life experience is our ultimate teacher. I have put every ounce of wisdom I possess into my Core Values Home Course. I want life to be better for my kids and for yours, so I painstakingly set about distilling my experiences into practical knowledge for parents and their families. I have studied many spiritual paths over the course of my life and culminated my experience into very simple, all-encompassing basic lessons.

These are real world lessons with real world tools. I know that the information I have to offer you is valuable. I know this because once I understood these life lessons and put them to work in my own life with my own kids, our lives unfolded gently into a life of joy, fulfillment and empowerment. This material has helped and supported me and my children so completely that I am making it available to all families.
The course I have designed is called Lily’s Truth. There are 17 chapters that give clear, concise and complete information on these concepts:

1. Authority
2. Trust
3. Individuality
4. Standards
5. Communication
6. Rights
7. Faith
8. Beliefs
9. Passion
10. Commitment
11. Letting Go
12. Courage
13. Appreciation
14. Acceptance
15. Love
16. Peace
17. God Within All Life

The course is available as a DVD/CD multimedia package or as a book. This artful and beautiful 2- hour production comes complete with music, illustrations and narration. This project truly extends from my heart to yours. My intent is to make the journey through life easier for our kids than it has been for us. My intent also is to offer parents support in their job. This gift is for you, your children and your families.
Very soon, I will be offering a workshop that will teach the above skills through play via an exciting game for parents and kids alike. If you are interested in this workshop, contact me at my website for further details.
Finally, if you have any questions about this project, please contact me, Susan A. Haid, at contact@lilystruth.com. My website is www.lilystruth.com. I hope to hear from you, and I hope to continue to offer outstanding parenting products so that we can raise our children better than ever before.

By Sandra Beck, Motherhood Incorporated

The loneliness of modern motherhood. You’ve sprained your ankle, you’ve a looming deadline and the nanny’s got toothache. Your husband is busy being executive and important. Who’s your backstop? Who’ll pick up the kids – not to mention make you a cup of tea?

I think that working mothers find it harder to ask for help. I have this irrational feeling that now I’ve started to pay for childcare, I should be able to solve all my childcare crises by throwing money at the problem. Unfortunately, I’ve never come across the legendary child-loving teenager looking for occasional work. The girls at my son’s school each seemed to have a second (and sometimes third) job. Their diaries were more jammed than mine.

For evenings, I’ve joined a reputable babysitting agency. They take the hassle out of my hands. Of course, there is a risk in trusting a stranger, but they have good checks, and they always try to send the same person if they can.

For that school-run tight spot, I’m shy about asking other mothers to take on my kids. I’m conscious that I can’t really reciprocate.   Having more than one kid obviously makes it a far bigger favor too. I find it easier to ask for help from other working mums – because I’m very sensitive to looking like I assume stay at home parents have more free time.

In my charmless, grudging, prickly way, I’ve admitted to my parents and in-laws that sometimes the juggling gets tricky. In her opinionated, fussy way, my mum  and dad has started offering me some very well focused support, which has let me to win a little bit of time together on the weekends, and helps me when I have to do overnight business trips.

I’m practicing asking my friends for help too. The words don’t come easy, but I have an especially expressive guttural grunt just for this purpose.

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Tags: Modern Motherhood, Working Mothers, Sandra Beck, Motherhood Incorporated, www.sandrabeck.com, www.motherhoodincorporated.com, jugglings working motherhood, working mom, working mother, busy mom

by Susan Haid

Every time I mandate that my three children, ages 3 to 10, help with the dishes, housecleaning, laundry, pets or some other mundane task, I prove to myself over and over again how important these experiences are for my children. Of course, their contribution makes my life easier. However, I clearly see that they are not only quite capable of accomplishing these tasks, they are learning to take responsibility for their own life in the process.

Motherhood Incorporated - Mothers are Flowers in the Garden of Life

Just ask Lisa D’Avanzo Weiss of Staten Island, NY.

“In addition to taking care of your child’s physical and emotional needs,” she says of her 2 ½ year old son Harrison. “It is a huge responsibility to help [him] develop language, a sense of safety, the ability to be resourceful, empathy, manners.”

Stressful as that sounds, it could also be more so when a mother has a job.

These days, it is very common for moms to kids of all ages to work either full or part time jobs. So that includes three responsibilities: your kids, your job and yourself. Many mothers who are able to work from home find themselves loading laundry, listening for baby Max to wake up, and preparing an online presentation all at once. Mothers who work in the office and out of the home find a different set of circumstances.

“I’m always ON!” laughs Evelyn Alvarez of Harlem, NY. She is a single mother to 3 year old Sen’ari and works for a non-profit organization. “When I leave work, my real job begins.

“There is no typical,” she says of her average day. “There is always something to be done. I try to squeeze in mama time, and mama/son time. Like today, we are doing some Black history Month stuff, then I’m doing laundry, then MAYBE going out for a drink with my girls.”

Having time for themselves is what most mothers ache for. Whether it is reading a book or simply listening to music, moms everywhere want to spend a little me time each day.

“I always take time away for myself,” says mom of three Shirley Guerrero of Staten Island, NY. “Whether its 5 minutes for myself at night once [my kids] are in bed. I do things for myself. I normally call my friends or catch up with e-mails or watch TV.”

But if she had the opportunity to have one day to herself, Shirley says she would spend it at a spa, or go shopping.

“It is very nice shopping without kids,” she laughs.

Recent stories in the media portray motherhood as something that consumes a woman. Meaning, it puts her life on hold until her last child turns 18.

But not everyone agrees.

“Being a mom has fulfilled my life,” says Shirley. “Its an extention of who I am rather than it consuming my life.”

But sometimes it can be stressful, and moms everywhere find ways to calm down.

“I love to read and stay up late,” says Lisa. “I also really enjoy taking relaxing baths.”

Lisa also enjoys doing yoga and go jogging because it clears her mind. “And for that matter, so does highway driving.”

Luckily, there’s always someone to turn to when it comes to the kids. For many women, it is their husband.

“We work very evenly,” says Stephanie Fick from Charlottesville, VA of her relationship to husband Ben.

But even if they aren’t married, some moms are fortunate to have their baby’s father active in the child’s life.

“Even though we are not together, we are a family,” says Evelyn. “It took a while to get us to this point, so I’m pretty happy about that.

Busy and chaotic as their lives can be, or “weird” as Stephanie jokingly puts it. These moms would not change their decisions for a minute.

“It’s a real learning, humbling, loving experience,” says Evelyn. “A relationship like no other.”

            And just what do these moms have to say to others in the similar positions?

“Remember,” says Stephanie. “They are your kids and you are their only parents. They will only be this age once. Make it fun

“Breathe. Dream,” Evelyn adds. “Have faith and trust in yourself, because kids are more resilient than we adults are. It’s ok to lose it sometimes, to lose your temper, to feel overwhelmed. Too many times, we try to be superhuman, and fail. It’s better to do a little superwell than to do a lot and be mediocre. BUT -if it’s in you to be super, then by all means: put on your cape and FLY!”

by Megan McGibney and Sandra Beck

Motherhood Incorporated